December 11, 2014

You and Me – Talking about GOD

Dominique Parenting and Kids, Thoughts GOD, love, relationship, Series, Spirituality

The Cross

You and Me and GOD.

How is our relationship with this spiritual being?

Are we having a similar perspective about this higher power?

The topic of Spiritual and teaching the kids about GOD has been weighing heavily on my mind this year.

R and I have slightly different views about GOD. Even though both of us are baptised Catholics and are currently sending our children for Sunday school at a Catholic church we do have our doubts and question certain practices that the church has.

There has been lots of variations in ways of worship from one denomination to another. Even with the Christian community there are numerous factions and deviations within the same community.

It is extremely hard to determine what is actually dictated by GOD and what has been added on by man so that he can control others using religion.

I don’t want the kids to grow up not knowing GOD and how wonderful he is. I want them to be able to experience the richness of having FAITH in him and acknowledge him personally as their LORD and savior.

What is the proper way to guide the kids and help them to develop their spiritual side? This is the question that has been bothering me a lot.

Roman Catholic Priest Saying Mass Picture by Photoxpress.com

Even though we attend mass on Sunday the kids and I find it extremely difficult to concentrate during the service. I don’t feel that I really belong to that community and the reason that we still go is that everyone in the family does that.

I guess that I’m still searching for answers and I have yet to find them in this church that I’m currently in.

Following prayer rituals and procedures are meaningless if one doesn’t see the benefit in doing it. Even though the traditions have been past down through the ages it doesn’t mean that it is something that has to be adopted wholesale without questions.

Many things have been added and changed through the years in the Catholic faith. Certain practices that I used to follow has been omitted and even revised.

I’m unsure about what had brought about the revision and do question the need for such changes to occur. Even though there maybe the need for certain procedures and rituals to be incorporate in the understanding of FAITH. Who is the one that determines what should be in or out? Is it really Gods way or Man?

I personally find that FAITH practices should not be rigid and forcefully implemented. It should be something done out of the earnest of our hearts and willingly.

I don’t want the kids to be Sunday Catholics or feel it is a chore to worship GOD. I want them to be able to understand who he is and follow his word while developing their faith.

They too should question what is relevant for themselves and listen earnestly to GOD’s voice speaking instead of getting distracted by man’s selfish intentions.

An opened bible. Photo by photoxpress.com

This year I have been spending time considering the direction that I should take in introducing GOD and his WORD to the kids. I’ve done a some soul searching and joined an online bible study group in bid to get closer to GOD.

R too has been doing his own readings and both of us came to a conclusion that we will be focusing directly on the word – The Bible as it is the purest form of instruction from GOD.

We will be selectively introducing portions of the Bible to the kids based on our personal values and believes. We want our kids to grow up to be GOD fearing and also have a strong set of values.

How will you be teaching your

children about God?

Post in this series.

1) You and Me Equals US ( An Introduction)

2) You and Me- Where Do We Begin?

3)You and Me- Love (Part One)

4) You and Me- Love (Part Two)

5) You and Me- Anger and Frustration

6) You and Me- Talking about GOD

7) You and Me- Let’s Talk about Money

8) You and Me- What Now?

October 21, 2014

You and Me – Anger and Frustration

Dominique Parenting and Kids, Parenting Views love, Relationships, Series

Monkey boy and Doggie boy back in 2009

When you are in a relationship one experiences both the good and bad of it. The Joy, the happiness, the anger and the anguish.

Different emotions which are felt at the various stages of your life as you experience help one grow. Even though certain emotions that you feel may be more intense then the other it is necessary to work through each and every one of them to be able to fully understand why they were there in the first place.

In this installment I will be focusing on these two emotions Anger and Frustration and how it can hamper or strain a relationship if not dealt with properly.

Crying and screaming are inborn mechanisms which a child uses to deal with it’s negative feelings. As he grows older he is able verbalize better and may start using words to express how he feels on top of showing it in his actions.

It takes time to learn how to handle the different emotions and our kids look towards us to teach them the skills to deal with their own outbursts. They look upon us as mentors on how to deal with the anger and frustration they feel therefore it is all the more important we need to model the correct behavior.

ANGER

A strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility. It can drive a person insane at times and behave irrationally.

Frustration

The feeling of being upset or annoyed as a result of being unable to change or achieve something.

The kids and I experienced watching a parent behaving badly at a car park a few months back. A father was shouting at the top of his voice at his crying toddler. He was using vulgarities and threats on him while the elder kids and his wife were looking on. It was really appalling behavior and the kids and I were starring at the spectacle that was happening in front of us.

I rushed the kids away from the scene as I didn’t want them to witness more awful language and behavior. While we were walking away I took the opportunity to explain to them what they saw was a parent who was behaving extremely badly in public and shared with them my thoughts on such an awful display.

I told the kids that even though the child may not be on his best behavior and may have done something wrong it is no excuse for the parent to vent his anger and frustration on him and embarrass himself and the child in the process.

It is NOT OKAY. Even though it is valid to feel angry because the child is misbehaving it is NOT OKAY to misbehave yourself. Two wrongs doesn’t make a right and the parent was not showing a good example on how to behave properly.

Harsh/vulgar words should never be use on others as it will only cause the other person to feel resentment toward them and that is why I will not use them especially on the kids even when I am angry and disapprove of their behavior.

Threatening to “throw away the child” and saying words like ” I regret that you were ever born” really feels like putting a stake through the child’s heart and should never have been said. There is no way to take back words once they have been blurted out from the mouth.

It doesn’t make the situation any better and only works to increase the tension and anxiety of that both parties feel. By behaving in such a way ,the parent shows that he doesn’t love the child enough as he doesn’t take into consideration the child’s feelings. There has been a communication breakdown and nothing is being done to repair it.

The parent has inflicted irreparable damage to the bond that he has with his toddler and indirectly showed to the other older kids that by being menacing you can force others to behave the way you want them to and make them submissive due to fear.

He showed the wrong notion that is okay to take out your frustrations on kids when you are an adult. He didn’t address the root of the problem and the issue that he had with the toddler were left unresolved while he taught bad behavior to the other kids.

This is certainly not the way a parent should be behaving!! ( Recalling the scene that I witnessed reminded me that I too need to pay attention to my feelings of anger and frustration least I end up a Monster parent like him.)

No doubt handling a child throwing tantrums is challenging it is not an excuse for the parent to take it all out on a child and belittling him in the process. I know first hand that it can be frustrating being unable to get the child to stop throwing a tantrum. The child is unable to communicate well how he feels and cries and screams non-stop. Nothing that you do seems to be able to pacify him and the situation only magnifies as the seconds tick away.

It is never easy dealing with a whiny/ screaming toddler but by showing your anger it doesn’t make the situation any better. Instead it is a clear indication of you been defeated in handling it.

The kids have felt the brunt of my anger and frustration before and they do know the reason why I have behaved in such a way and even shouted at them at times. I know that I’m not perfect and sometime fail to curb my own anger at times.

However as I learn from my failed experiences I gain tolerance and also show the kids how to validate their own feelings without causing hurt and harm to others.