You and Me – Love (Part One)

R and Me

R and Me

Love- A deep affection for another person

Love is something that we feel when we are in a relationship. It can be in   different forms depending on who our object of affection is .  Love between a parent and a child,  between siblings and spouses differ. 

Our love can be our source of joy and pride. It can also be at the same time  what that causes us anguish and pain. You can say that it can be a double edge sword at times which can really cut you till you feel the grinding of your bones from within.

In the previous post – Where Do we Begin I mentioned  how my concepts about relationships were formed during my childhood years and how it has affected me in my current relationships. In this post I will be touching on how I feel towards love.

It all starts with a spark.  A connection which is felt between on individual and another.  The catalyst which starts off a chemical reaction that may lead to unforeseen results. (Good or bad)

Everyone’s experience in Love differ  together with their perception.  I don’t profess to be a love guru and do not have the answers  to all the questions that you may have regarding this subject.

What I have though is my personal experience in handling the different types of love- romantic, friendship and kinship which I will be sharing with you.

 Man are from Mars ,Women are from Venus

I’m sure you may have heard of these sentences before if you have read the books by John Gray.  It’s amazing how two opposites attract and click with each other.  It takes a lot of understanding and tolerance to be able to accommodate another person into you life.  The changes made are permanent and may be irrevocable irregardless if the person remains in your life or not.

Scenery captured by R during his recent NZ trip

Scenery captured by R during his recent NZ trip

 If there is no love there will be no reason for a person to want to be together with another. There is no yearning to stand by the other person through thick and thin and brave all the battles and obstacles together.  This is certainly the case for romantic relationships.

R and I have been together for  18 yrs and married for 13.  You can say that I have known him half my life and we have been through many  different obstacles together.  It is an on-going learning process as we both strive to keep an equilibrium.

Being open and able to compromise plays an important part in building a relationship.  Many problems start because of assumptions on the part of one person that the other person understands his/her train of thought.

What I have learned so far that is is absolutely important to be very explicit when dealing with the opposite sex. They need everything to be written down word for word to be able to fully comprehend what you want to convey to them. They do not know how to mind read and really need to be shown step by step what is required to be done.

R and I have had our fair share of communication breakdown and still do have constant disagreements on certain issues. Many a times tempers fly because one party feels that they have been slighted or been unfairly judged.

Sometimes I get so flustered and worked up that it stresses me up big time. You can be so angry that you find it extremely difficult to communicate with the other person.  It is hard to talk and act calmly or behave rationally.

It is during moments like that I rely heavily on non-verbal methods of communication like using Whatsapp and e-mail to communicate with him.  It is too painful to talk face to face as I’m sure that whatever I wish to say may come out wrong in the end. Putting things down in writing helps to defuse the negative feelings that that I am feeling and helps me calm down.

I don’t believe in playing the part of the demure and subservient wife and being LORD over. I do need to live my own life and not a life that is dictated by others.

Even though I do know that it is important to take the other person’s feelings and needs into consideration. It is really a very delicate matter which requires a lot of pondering about to find the best solution for the issue on hand.

Not all conflicts that we have had were amicably solved.  I admit that I can be extremely stubborn at time and refuse to go along with another person’s point of view.  Unless the other person can clearly present his  case with all the supporting evidence, I will not be convinced and won’t go along with his explainations.  I don’t believe in blindly following suit and doing things just because according to you ” It IS the best way to do it” when I feel otherwise.

I’m skeptical and unless you are able to show me how it will bear the results I want, I would want the other person to respect and accept my opinion and way of doing things.

Because of these differences we have we decide that for certain matters  that we will not argue on it but both of us go about it dealing with it using our own methods especially if it is related to the kids.

Showing appreciation for each other is something that we are doing more these few days.  I have found that showing appreciation on a daily basis does help to diffuse any tension that may have been building up through the week.

 These few days I cook more and am experimenting with various different cuisine as I know R does appreciate a  healthy home cooked meal. I’m also actively trying to build up a range of common interests with him so that we have a broader range of topics to talk about which is not kid related.

I guess that it takes time, trial and error to get to know what works and what doesn’t work in a relationship.

How is it between you and your partner?


In the next follow up post on LOVE I will be sharing my thoughts  on friendship and kinship. 


Post in this series.

1)  You and Me Equals US ( An Introduction)

2) You and Me- Where Do We Begin?

3)You and Me- Love (Part One)

4) You and Me- Love (Part Two)

5) You and Me- Anger and Frustration

6) You and Me- Talking about GOD

7) You and Me- Let’s Talk about Money

8) You and Me- What Now?