About Dominique

http://dominiquegoh.com

Singaporean Educator, Coach and Hands on Mom of Three. Connect with me on Google+

Posts by Dominique:

Mid Year Reflections 2018

Do your best and GOD will do the rest

 

The exams are over and the kids are now having their month long holidays. It had been madness for me personally as I had a mammoth assignment to completed . It has been finally  submitted and I cleared that module. Yeah!! I have another 2 elective modules left and can’t wait to complete the course so that I can start on the new one that I have scheduled.

All the kids  have their results back and  there is certainly room for improvement and many components to work on as highlighted by the various teachers during the PTM. This year as usual it is me going for the sessions alone. It doesn’t bug me that much now that I’ve stop putting expectations on a  non-existent father of the kids. It was his choice to not participate in the upbringing of the kids and therefore we have cease pinning any hope on one who will only guarantee you a heartache and broken promise. It is an utter waste of effort to associate with deadwood who will only inflict back all the various forms of domestic abuse – financial, emotional and mental on the kids.  No doubt my parenting journey would be easier if there was a willing and participate partner but there has been no regrets for me moving on from a destructive person to save myself and the kids.

For the past six months it has been extremely quiet here on the blog as compared to how it was last year. With Doggie boy in Primary six this year I have to put in more effort in monitoring his work and coaching him. I’ve only have 3 months left to prepare him for the PSLE and it will be full steam ahead now that the June holidays are here. I really hope to be able to improve his competency in all 4 subjects so that he be able to get better grades. Will work extremely close with him in his revision.

Tiger girl is more independent this year being in Primary two. She is able to travel independently  by public transport and settle her own meals. She has been doing excellent work in school and getting along well with her peers.

Monkey boy has also matured now that he is in Secondary 2. He is more able to schedule his own time to focus on his studies and has managed to pull up his grades for most subjects. However he has yet to perform up to his true potential and I really feel that he can still be stretched further. Being a teenager he has been going through both physical and emotional changes which has let him to be quite rebellious.

The truth!!

The truth!!

What occurred during the past six months only reconfirmed my believe in the above proclamation.  It is not easy to be a parent and a GOOD one to boost. There is the need for a lot of dedication and self- discipline to put the child’s needs above your own personal pleasure and selfish wants.  No doubt it is important to exercise  self care but if it is at the determent of your child one better start to reflect of their said actions.

It is a real pity that more and more people are unwilling to commit fully to the upbringing of a child. As a result the poor child suffers from bad/ absent parenting as the ” so called parent” is too busy chasing after the latest fads, brands,  focusing on satisfying their needs for vanity, material positions or lust. Indulging in sexual immorality and various other unwanted social ills and addictions just for some instant satisfaction which only will cause massive tears within the fabrics of the parent-child relationship.

As a result of their  continual insanity and disillusion thinking  they rip apart the trust that the child/children used to have for them and remove any shred of possibility of having a normal parent/ grandparent-child relationship. I find this extremely very unfair to the child who SHOULD be given a proper relationship with the whole family.

My personal opinion  is if one is so unwilling to be a proper parent/ grandparent he should be totally removed from the child’s life as not to give the innocent bad example and tramatize the kids further with his deliberate choice not to carry out his parental duties. The most appropriate action he should do would be to provide financially for the kids especially if he is more than capable to.  Unfortunately such abusers do not even want the kids to live a decent life by providing adequate monthly maintenance so that the children can enjoy their childhood.

Opting to be out of the picture these utterly wicked individuals  and their flying monkeys have no right to claim any support from the kids once they enter their twilight years and become frail and helpless. There will be no opportunity for any guilt tripping and gas-lighting to occur with my kids as they have already seen through their true colors and will not be hoodwinked anymore by the vampire  and witch clans.  No doubt I would like them to have proper/ real relationships and also a “complete” family (as based on society’s standards) it is not something which is a must for now.

My Definition of a “complete” family is one where all individuals who choose to be part of the family love and trust each other  and will do their best to keep each other grounded. There is unity  with GOD as our central pillar of strength. Having spending more time doing various bible studies this year my understanding of the WORD has certainly deepened and it has been with his grace that we were able to tie through all the turbulence which we had this 2018.

Challenges have been a plenty however I take it all in my stride as I march forward putting my best foot first. With GOD as my protector and guide I am sure I’ll be able to survive all obstacles that I will/may face.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Celebrating Me

Me in my latest haircut

Me in my latest haircut

 

As we celebrate International Women’s Day today  I have been reflecting on what it means to be ME.

It hasn’t been easy been ME. Having been on this planet for 39 yrs and counting I have been through a whole array of different experiences which have shaped me into the way I am today.  The decisions that I have made through the years have made me into a stronger and better person.

I know that I am powerful and have learnt not to give away my power to others. Never again.  I will let others dictate the way I should live.  I am me and I’m not going to change just to suit others whims and fancies.  The most important decision maker about things relating to me is ME. Only Me. 

Me with Monkey Boy in HK when he was a baby

Me with Monkey Boy in HK when he was a baby

I’m no longer a newly minted mom like I was when Monkey Boy was born 14 yrs ago.  We just celebrated his birthday over pizza on the weekend and it has certainly been an achievement solo parenting him all these years.  I never regretted my decision to put my career on the back burner when he was born. I have always wanted to be a hands on mother and witness every single milestone that my kids go through.  I’m glad that I’ve stuck to that made years back as it has given me tremendous satisfaction seeing them grow from helpless infants to the independent little adults that they are today.  It hasn’t been easy as all three of them have different characters and quirks. There is no way that I can use the same methods across the board with all and a lot of adaptions have to be done even though I have to go through each stage thrice!!

monkey boy and me

monkey boy and me

Monkey boy has been one of my biggest challenge so far.  It had been an extremely steep learning curve with him learning how to be a mother. There has been many unexpected and extremely intense moments navigating the deep water of motherhood that forced me out of my comfort zone. With him you can expect to constantly think out of the box and come up with various ingenious methods and techniques to deal with him. He frequently challenges authority and can really be a handful to manage. However having gone through the tough experiences with him give me more experience on how to handle the other younger two when they come to their teenage years.

It would have been easier for me handling the kids  if I had a supportive and hands on father to the kids. Alas it was not to be as I  was unfortunate to have an Ex who was totally hands off . He  wouldn’t even attempt to spend time celebrating the kids birthday with them prioritizing his own interests above the kids. To date he has never celebrate Doggie Boy’s birthday together with him even though the boy has requested this from him on countless occasions.  I used to feel mad about this and resented the Ex for his abusive behavior towards me and the kids. These negative feelings got me feeling very bitter at ends and it was in 2016 when I decided to put a stop to this toxic person’s foothold over me and the kids.

I know that we DESERVE the best and if one party constantly refuses to put in the needed effort it is best that he leaves the family least he constantly causes further anguish and frustration to other family members.

Now two years on in 2018 I am proud to announce that I’ve come a long way from being that unsure and frighten girl who was conned into believing the words and threats of a demon who tried to enslave me through his abusive ways.  I was one who had anxiety attacks and countless sleepless nights resulting in chronic insomnia due to the extreme levels of stress brought about by the Devils who were in our lives.

Since then I have grown in confidence and  phased out the Devils in our life it has been much more peaceful. I’m now an assertive lady who knows what she wants and will go all out for it.  I no longer get fazed by evil and stare back at it straight in the eye. With GOD as my guide and protector there is nothing too difficult which cannot be handled.

Tiger girl and me

Tiger girl and me

I  know what I want to do and have been taking action to get to my desired goals. I am even more focus now as a single parent playing both the role of father and mother to my kids. I know that I am not perfect however this doesn’t hamper me from giving my best to the kids.

I’m glad that I have overcome the trials and turbulence that had been thrown into my life and emerged victorious. I do know it is a  long journey for me and I will constantly face challenges and obstacles however with an open mindset and focusing on GOD I’m equipped to handle everything.

How do you celebrate Me?