Series

Finding a New Me- Social Wellness

Surround Yourself with people who will take you higher

Social wellness refers to the relationships we have and how we interact with others. Our relationships can offer support during difficult times. It is important to build healthy, nurturing and supportive relationships as well as fostering a genuine connection with those around you. 
As they say the circle of friends you hang around with defines you.  They help to shape your thoughts and perception on how you want to lead your life. Therefore it is extremely important to be careful about who you let into your inner circle.

Quality vs Quantity

As I grow older I get more selective about who I want around me. Not everyone may be who they seem on first experience. Sometimes something that seems too good to be true may turn out to be a rotten apple disguised as a golden one. Relationships have to be two ways be it with benefits, communication and understanding for it to be long lasting.  It cannot be something one sided where one party continually takes what the other offers and suck him dry over time.
A Mantra I follow

A Mantra I follow

 I’ve met many people who are FAKE . They pretend to be nice and concern about you but in actuality they are just sizing you up so that they can exploit your trust, abilities and achievement for their own personal benefits. When they are being called out for their inconsistencies / lies or exaggerations they become defensive and even abusive attacking your character and values. The mask that they have been parading around drops and their true behavior and intentions can be seen. They refuse to take responsibility for their own action and blame everyone else except themselves. These individuals are  Highly delusional these individuals  and I refuse to have them around me and the kids. Period. 
Blood relationships  are not as important to me as before. I’ve learnt that not all are your family.  Some of my previous relationships are now of no significance to me especially when they are from highly toxic individuals with tainted blood. It was a  pity that I was born into a toxic extended family. Their constant bickering and comparison had affected me and my perception of what a relationship should be.
It had taken me quite awhile to eliminate all the toxic ones who were outwardly and/or passively aggressive to me and the kids.  We deserve a normal life and one which is free from others who were constantly undermining or demeaning us for their own selfish agenda.
Life is difficult enough as a single mom of three  and there is no need to add on unwanted and nonsensical drama by these delusional individuals to our lives to make it harder.
Another mantra

Another mantra which I subscribe to.

I frown upon people who easily pass judgment on others so they “appear” to be superior to others. Who are they to judge when GOD doesn’t judge? No doubt you and I have flaws but it is not something to be constantly targeted by others in attempt to bring down your level of self confidence or bully you into submission with their constant criticism .

Emerging from a 20 yr long abusive relationship I’ve grown stronger and wiser. I’m no longer the naive 16 yr old who blindly trusted others, especially elders, to guide me along the path with their ” trust me I know better” attitude. I won’t let other people destroy my self esteem nor integrity. I’m my own women and am accountable to myself and GOD  and not these people.

My most important asset is my time therefore I am not going to waste time on  fake people who don’t need my attention. I’m no longer settling for mediocre or below standard and other time wasters. I trust actions more then words and when they do not match up I won’t be wasting my time and effort on these time wasters.

Time is extremely precious to me being a single mom with multiple portfolios to juggle. I cannot and do not want to spend it unproductively. I want to surround myself with people who will lift me up and spur me on to be the best version of myself.

Through all the trials and tribulations that I have faced especially during the past two years this can’t be even more true to me. I now surround myself with like minded individuals who are are non judgmental and supportive in my endeavors.  I on my part try my best to support my friends and family to the best of my ability without compromising  my values, integrity and goals.

I show by my own actions as an example to my kids what are healthy and unhealthy relationships and how to seek out  and maintain healthy ones in their lives.

What do you do to maintain your social wellness?

Finding a New Me- Emotional Wellness

Tiger girl and me- Dominique's Desk

Tiger girl and me

Taking care of your emotions is extremely important. You mental well-being affects everything else around you.

Emotional Wellness implies the ability to be aware of and accept our feelings, rather than deny them, have an optimistic approach to life, and enjoy life despite its occasional disappointments and frustrations.

One goes through an array of different types of feelings for dawn to dusk. The emotions that we experience  can be positive or negative and it is especially essential that we acknowledge each and every emotion that we feel.

Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash

Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash

How we cope with the negativity, emotional stress, disappointments and frustrations will shape the way we live.   You are the one who truly decides how you live.

To go for it alone or remain a People Pleaser and disregard your own emotions? I’m done being a  People Pleaser and ignoring my own well being for the sake of others who do not appreciate any of your sacrifice. I’m saying “No!” more often then before and focusing on what truly  matters to me and having my peace of mind.  No more surpressing my own emotions and giving up on my desires because of others.

I will not let others influence my emotions and send myself spiraling into depression because of their selfishness. It is not easy to remain level headed and not get influenced by their warped mentality.  I had enough of suppressing my own feelings so that others would feel good.

I have made many difficult decisions these two years and have shifted the focus to be more on ME. I will be turning 40 next year and it is about time that I shift the focus back on myself after devoting myself selflessly to the family and the kids for the past 20 years.

LOVE YOURSELF

Nobody can care more about you then yourself.  Being the pillar of the family it is extremely important that I keep sane and also be in the best of health physically and mentally. I  have been working more on increasing my mental awareness through reading self help books and articles that I find online.  This has made me more acutely  in tune to my own feelings.

1 Peter 5:7-Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.

I have learned to trust my GUT more and also leave all my worries to GOD.  Do the best that I can and let him handle the rest. Having such a perception greatly reduced the amount of stress that I feel.  Being able to handle my own emotions has certainly made me  a better person. I am more patient and less rash in my actions.   When things get a bit overwhelming I give myself chance to pause before deciding on what action to take in that particular situation.

Once emotions are triggered it may cause an array of feelings to surface within you.  Sometimes these feelings may be very hard to control and it really takes a lot of discipline to calm those frayed nerves in order to think and act rationally.  The intensity can be overwhelming  at times and makes one act out of the norm.

Our Fight or Flight mentality may lead us to act irrational at times therefore it is essential to remain grounded at all times.

Looking through the globe

Looking through the globe

Sometimes our thoughts may  seem to magnify the situation and give it too much emphasis then it actually  needs.  In moments like this I try to take a step back and refocus to align our thoughts so that my emotions are more settled before making any major decisions.

I do know that these challenges that are sent our way is GOD’s way of shaping us into a better person.  These trials that we have to endure will prepare us for entering his kingdom in his time.  It sometimes feels frustrating especially when things don’t seem to be going this way and it can be utterly exhausting at time.

Our emotional well being affects our health and attitude towards life therefore I find it extremely important to keep our emotions in check always.

It is essential that I keep myself emotionally healthy so that I will be able to lead and guide the kids well therefore I do take many moments of ME TIME a week to recharge and reflect on the actions that I have taken that particular week.

During these pockets of time I would reflect on the actions that I had done and  how I felt in relation to  the problems/ situations that I am currently handling.

As a single parent my kids only have me to look as up as mentor and guide therefore it is critical that I am emotionally balanced to be able to handle the changing emotions of the kids and guiding them properly on how to handle their own emotions.

How do you take care of your own emotional wellness?

  1. Finding a New Me – An Intro
  2. Finding a New Me- Results after 16 weeks
  3. Finding a New Me – Mental Wellness
  4. Finding a New Me- Emotional Wellness
  5. Finding a New Me – Social Wellness