March 16, 2014

Teaching Kids about Coping with Fear of Failure- (Part 1)

Dominique Parenting and Kids, Parenting Views less stress, Parenting, Series

Monkey boy posing behind bars

As your child grows up and at different stages in their lives there are various challenges and obstacles which have to be overcome.

I’m starting off this series by focusing on my first born~ Monkey boy who is one of my biggest challenge.

[Some background information about my #1]

Monkey boy recently turned 10 years ago and is currently in Primary 4 . He is a high achiever as he is doing relatively well in school in both academic and sports.

He in the top class in the level and has been scoring within the top 10% of the cohort for the past three years. In the recent sports day he took part in the 6 x 80m relay and his team came in first.

Monkey boy has been learning swimming and piano since he was young and will be sitting for his Grade 4 ABRSM Piano Practical Exam later on in the year. He is also doing Badminton as a CCA in school and is in the competitive training squad.

You may think that I don’t have much to worry about as he is performing well in school however this is far from the truth.

Monkey boy is one that does not accept failure. He gets frustrated easily and sometimes rather give up then try when he feels that it may be too difficult for him or he may not perform well in the task.

It is really frustrating as it makes it very difficult for him to progress with this mental block which he has created for himself. I have tried explaining to him the need to just try or else he would never know the result in the end.

I haven’t been successful in convincing him to try. It has been exasperating as he argues with me and insists that I refuse to teach him while I am trying to teach him to try it out himself first.

He feels that everyone is being harsh with him or deliberately not helping him to solve his problem. What he doesn’t understand or refuses to understand is that he needs to take the first step and attempt to try to solve the issue himself. He needs to be the one to take the initiative.

Even though it may not be a life and death situation at the moment with the issues he is currently facing he still needs to learn how to deal with it ~ himself.

It is impossible for us , parents, to be there all the time for our kids and solve their problems for them.

I believe that it is more important to teach them how to address problems and difficulties themselves and provide them with the tools to help them along the way.

The fear that he has of failure is crippling him and I am actively seeking to help him overcome this stumbling block.

In the next post I will be sharing the new techniques that I have recently learned that I will be using with Monkey boy to address his fears.

Post in this series

– Parenting with Less Stress ( An Introduction)

– Teaching Kids about coping with the fear of Failure (Part 1)

– Teaching Kids about coping with the fear of Failure (Part 2)

– Encouraging a Struggling Learner (Part 1)

– Encouraging a Struggling Learner (Part 2)

-Dealing with a Strong Willed Child (Part 1)

– Dealing with a Strong Willed Child( Part 2)

– An Update on Monkey Boy

–An Update on Doggie boy

March 10, 2014

Parenting with Less Stress

Dominique Parenting and Kids, Parenting Views less stress, Parenting, Series

Parenting isn’t an easy job. It doesn’t come with any manual which is given to you when your child is born. It is something that you figure out as you go along once you become a parent. It is a lot of trial and error as the child grows up. It can be very trying for both the child and parent to communicate effectively and efficiently with each other.

It can be extremely stressful too if one is unable to manage the problems that parenting brings. Your blood pressure shoots sky high and everything seems suddenly out of control once your child starts misbehaving or having a meltdown especially in public.

There is no perfect solution, no textbook solution to all the trials and tribulations that will be hurled your way in your journey as a parent.

My job as a parent started about 11 years ago when Monkey boy was born. All the books that I have read prior to his birth didn’t really help me that much. It could be said that there is a vast difference between theory and practical.

Being a new parent back then I was bombarded with both well meaning and ill given advice. It took me quite a while to figure out what worked and what didn’t work for my kids.

Even if a particular method worked well with kid #1 it is not guaranteed that it would work with #2 or #3. Each kid came with their own set of difficulties and challenges and it can be really exhausting tackling them daily.

The kids during Christmas last year

Children are bundles of joy to have. However at the same time they can be your worst nightmare. It is hard to really know what triggers them off at times and it can be really difficult to read their subtle cues. They can turn from angels into devils within seconds and back again.

It can really nerve wrecking dealing with toddlers or pre-schoolers who themselves do not know what they want. It doesn’t get any easier as they get older. They get more demanding and argumentative. Back talking starts and you need to have nerves of steel and also be a pro debater to be able to out talk them.

Join me as I start on this series on how it is possible to parent with less stress and share with you the struggles that I had, and am still having as a parent of three.