March 26, 2014

Teaching Kids about coping with the Fear of Failure (Part 2)

Dominique Parenting and Kids, Parenting Views less stress, Parenting, Series

Monkey boy deep in thought

In the first part of this post I gave a introduction to Monkey boy’s character and his abilities as a 10 year old. In the 2nd part of the post I’ll be sharing with everyone how I plan to help Monkey boy over come his fear of failure.

The need for wanting to change and overcome this stumbling block has to come from within to be successful. No amount of encouragement and help will be able to initiate the change unless he himself renders it possible.

As a parent the best that you can do is try to persuade and guide him on how to take the first step. You also need to provide him with all the necessary tools that he will need for this transformation to occur.

There are a few things which one can do when you feel fearful.

You can create a safe place in your mind of psychically where you can retreat to in your time of need.
You could extend loving support to yourself as you would to a good friend.
Listen to soothing music or your favourite music.
Practice gratitude by giving thanks for all your blessings.
Visualize yourself as your favourite superhero.

It may be difficult for a ten year old to understand all the concepts mentioned above but I will be walking him through each and every one of them using age appropriate examples.

Together with Monkey boy we will choose which item(s) on the list he is most comfortable with and practice it together with him.

It is all in the mind and he needs to learn how to control his own emotions to be able to overcome the fear.

The aim is to get around the fear and focus on ~ I CAN DO IT!!

Monkey boy has to take a stand and know that there is a difference between what he wants and what has to be done to achieve the desired result.

Positive Affirmations are what I will be working on with Monkey boy on a daily basis. I will be getting him to write out two to three affirmations which we will paste at his bedside so he can look and read it out aloud twice daily- when he wakes up and before he goes to bed.

Motivational Poster

Check back in a few weeks where I will be updating this space on how the Positive Affirmations have been working for Monkey boy.

In the next post in this series I will be focusing on my #2 son- Doggie boy and the issues that we are currently facing with him.

Post in this series

– Parenting with Less Stress ( An Introduction)

– Teaching Kids about coping with the fear of Failure (Part 1)

– Teaching Kids about coping with the fear of Failure (Part 2)

– Encouraging a Struggling Learner (Part 1)

– Encouraging a Struggling Learner (Part 2)

-Dealing with a Strong Willed Child (Part 1)

– Dealing with a Strong Willed Child( Part 2)

– An Update on Monkey Boy

–An Update on Doggie boy

March 16, 2014

Teaching Kids about Coping with Fear of Failure- (Part 1)

Dominique Parenting and Kids, Parenting Views less stress, Parenting, Series

Monkey boy posing behind bars

As your child grows up and at different stages in their lives there are various challenges and obstacles which have to be overcome.

I’m starting off this series by focusing on my first born~ Monkey boy who is one of my biggest challenge.

[Some background information about my #1]

Monkey boy recently turned 10 years ago and is currently in Primary 4 . He is a high achiever as he is doing relatively well in school in both academic and sports.

He in the top class in the level and has been scoring within the top 10% of the cohort for the past three years. In the recent sports day he took part in the 6 x 80m relay and his team came in first.

Monkey boy has been learning swimming and piano since he was young and will be sitting for his Grade 4 ABRSM Piano Practical Exam later on in the year. He is also doing Badminton as a CCA in school and is in the competitive training squad.

You may think that I don’t have much to worry about as he is performing well in school however this is far from the truth.

Monkey boy is one that does not accept failure. He gets frustrated easily and sometimes rather give up then try when he feels that it may be too difficult for him or he may not perform well in the task.

It is really frustrating as it makes it very difficult for him to progress with this mental block which he has created for himself. I have tried explaining to him the need to just try or else he would never know the result in the end.

I haven’t been successful in convincing him to try. It has been exasperating as he argues with me and insists that I refuse to teach him while I am trying to teach him to try it out himself first.

He feels that everyone is being harsh with him or deliberately not helping him to solve his problem. What he doesn’t understand or refuses to understand is that he needs to take the first step and attempt to try to solve the issue himself. He needs to be the one to take the initiative.

Even though it may not be a life and death situation at the moment with the issues he is currently facing he still needs to learn how to deal with it ~ himself.

It is impossible for us , parents, to be there all the time for our kids and solve their problems for them.

I believe that it is more important to teach them how to address problems and difficulties themselves and provide them with the tools to help them along the way.

The fear that he has of failure is crippling him and I am actively seeking to help him overcome this stumbling block.

In the next post I will be sharing the new techniques that I have recently learned that I will be using with Monkey boy to address his fears.