May 18, 2014

Getting ready for Primary One- A Reflection

Dominique Parenting and Kids, Parenting Views Preparing for primary one, Series, Singapore education

Monkey boy in his graduation gown when he was in K2

It has been nearly four years since Monkey boy entered Primary school. I remember back then when he was in K2 I had to decide in July/August which school I should send him to.

It was a very important decision back then as his entry to the Primary school of my choice would mean that I didn’t need to worry about Primary One admission for his siblings as it would mean a guaranteed entry for them.

In 2011 I wrote about Preparing for Primary One detailing what I had done while preparing Monkey boy for Primary one. The registration processed hasn’t change that much since there. The only difference is that registration for Phase 2C can be done online and Citizens are given two ballot slips in the event of a ballot at their chosen primary school.

I’m sure you know how important it is for a child to have a good and solid foundation from young in order to succeed in life. I believe in not putting my child in a pressure cooker environment or one that can stifle his growth instead of promoting it.

It is with this in mind that I chose a school that wasn’t overtly focused on academic excellence and promoted holistic development of the child. The school also had to be able to cater to the different learning styles and pace of my 3 kids.

I am lucky that I was able to see experience first hand the learning environment in the school that the boys are currently studying in. I had the privilege to teach at that school for two years before going on NPL when Tiger Girl was born.

You can say that I am well versed with the culture of the school and know both from an educator and a parents view how the Singaporean Education system is like. I know the positive and negatives points of it and how to help my kids get the best out of it.

Even though academic results do play an important part in opening doors to further education learning morals and values are what will see you through the rest of your life. An A+ report card means nothing if one is lacking the EQ and other survival skills.

I wasn’t that concerned with the technicalities of admission when it was time for Doggie boy to be registered for Primary One. With his elder brother already in school he was already guaranteed a place under Phase 1.

I decided to focus on the physical and mental preparations that I went through with him and wrote the series – Preparing for Primary One the 2nd time around.

Now that he is in Primary Two and have gone through the first year of school without any issues it has reaffirmed that I have made the right decision back then on which school to send the kids.

Are you among the group of parents registering your kids for Primary One this year?

How would you be deciding on where to send your child?

(From my 2011 series)

(From my 2013 series)

May 12, 2014

Dealing with a Strong Willed Child – (Part 2)

Dominique Parenting and Kids, Parenting Views less stress, Parenting, Series

Side view of Tiger girl

In the 1st part of this 2 part post I shared the triads of my strong -willed child, Tiger girl. She is a child which really challenges me on a daily basis with her wit.

It is really amazing that a 3 year old can be so certain about what she wants and really can wear your patience ultra thin.

Kids this age flare up and tear easily when they don’t get what they want. It is very important to address this errant behavior at this stage or else it will get more difficult as they grow up.

It has taken many trials and errors before I’ve learned how to deal with her and minimize the amount of conflict that she has with me. Here are two things I have learned so far.

1. Speak calmly and model desired behavior.

An Example of modeling the behavior you wish your child to display.

‘ I WANT that drink!!’ she would shout.

” I cannot hear you” I would tell her. ” You are shouting. If you are speaking nicely in a nice tone I maybe able to hear you better”.

” Can you say – Can I have the drink please?” (This is repeated if there is no response from her or she still continues shouting)

She doesn’t not get the drink if she doesn’t ask properly and this is something that I have to be insistent on if she is to learn about proper etiquette.

After a few times Tiger girl would “get the idea” as she realize that shouting gets her nowhere. She’s one smart cookie as these few days it takes less then a minute for her to model the correct behavior so that she is able to get what she wants.

2. It takes skill to play the waiting game.

When Tiger girl throws a tantrum and refuses to walk I will tell her that she has two choices either to walk or she can stay at where she currently is but don’t expect me to wait for her.

I make it clear to her that her current behavior is not acceptable and the reason why she is not getting the item (Ie: Ice- cream / soft toy etc). I do offer her suggestions or alternatives to her initial request as I reason with her.

Sometimes she does start asking for alternative demands when her initial demand is not met. She may or may not get her alternative request depending on how realistic they are.

Most of the time kids this age can be reason with. You just have to be a bit more patient and spend the extra 5 -10 minutes cajoling them. They may not understand your intentions the first time around however after repeatedly testing you under similar circumstance they will start to realize that tantrums don’t work on you and cease doing it.

If we are at home and she starts throwing tantrums I will just walk away and let her scream and shout after explaining to her that her behavior is not acceptable. She can go on for an hour and sometimes cry until she falls asleep.

As long as they are not in any physical danger I feel that it is all right to let them cry it out. You have to stay firm and even harden your heart to their pitiful cries but it is something that has to be done to be able to “tame” them.

Tiger girl’s outburst have reduced a lot since I’ve adopted this method of addressing her tantrums. I’m not affected by her mood swings and the day is not spoiled for the both of us.

In the next post I will be doing a follow up on how Positive Affirmations have been working on Monkey boy and how Doggie boy has been faring in his studies so far.