Holistic Learning: Dealing with Emotions
Dealing with emotions is something that all of us have to deal with in our lives. As the kids grow up I find that it is important to give them the tools to deal with both positive and negative emotions.
Positive emotions are easy to deal with. It is the negative ones which are more complicated and harder to deal with. If one is not thought or given the tools to deal with their emotions properly it may result in dire consequences.
I’ve recently read in the papers about a secondary school student who jumped to his death off the top floor of a 40 story flat across his school. A good friend’s brother also recently committed suicide by jumping into the sea. He was apparently suffering from depression and couldn’t get out of the rut that he was in. I seriously hope that my children do not feel that death is the only solution out of the misery that they may be feeling and end their lives abruptly.
There are many different emotions which one may feel with the course of the day and I will be focusing on the above mentioned in the diagram.
– Rejection
– Failure
– Low Self Esteem
– Guilt
Dealing with Rejection
Not being included in a group or getting brushed aside when participating in group activities is not a good feeling. I constantly remind my kids that it is okay not to be included in every activity. We are participating in any popularity contest or need to constantly hog the limelight. Sometimes we do things together in a group while on other occasions we may need to work independently. Focus on your positive qualities and do know that you are being treasured as an individual.
Dealing with Failure
You may not succeed the first time round. The worst thing that can happen to you is not learning from your failure. Keep your chin up and try again. Now you know what went wrong you know what to do to prevent it from happening again.
Dealing with Low Self Esteem
You need to treasure yourself. Affirm your positive qualities and strengthen your self control. You are as powerful as you can be.
Dealing with Guilt
It is a feeling that as adults we feel more acutely then as a kid. The guilt of taking the extra chocolate bar while you should be strictly focusing on keeping the dieting plan, not doing your chores etc. Sometimes we too need to remind ourselves not to be too harsh on ourselves. If it your fault your should have a sincere apology to the person(s) involved and validate their feelings. You should forgive yourself too.
How do you teach your child to deal with their emotions?
Post in this series
1. Holistic Learning an Introduction
2. Becoming a Budgeting Accountant- Getting Started.
3. Updates on Monkey boy being a Budgeting Accountant.
4. Holistic Learning with Doggie Boy
5. Holistic Learning- Dealing with Emotions
6. Holistic Learning- Understanding your Creative Pattern
September 21, 2013 @ 3:25 pm
Thank you for this very meaningful post. I had a friend who was diagnosed with depression after being “through hell” at work. Her family thought (being Chinese and fully believing in tiger parenting) it would be more helpful to barrage her with criticism of why she did or didn’t do that, or she had made the wrong decisions in life. They said that by doing so, she would turn herself around and stop being in a rut. Thankfully, she moved out as she needed to surround herself with positive people, friends who could provide her advice and counter-proposals rather than just criticism. I hate to think what would have happened if she didn’t move out. So when it comes to kids, I think we should be very supportive too 🙂
September 21, 2013 @ 8:58 pm
My little girl just got “ignored” and rejected today from someone who is NOT a stranger at all, and she did not have any untoward actions toward that person. I don’t know yet how to explain this to her as it hurt her feelings, and mine even more to see her first rejection. I still am finding the right way to explain to her as she is just two years old and doesn’t understand just yet. 🙁
September 22, 2013 @ 4:24 pm
@Yhey Garcia,
It is certainly painful to see our kids suffer from rejection and when it is clearly beyond their control. I would just tell her at this age that not everyone may “play nicely” or want to play with us.. never mind..next time come and look for mummy first if she needs anything 🙂
September 21, 2013 @ 9:24 pm
At the time the child feels the negative emotions, we parents have to be there to help him process it. My son had his own shares (plural) of negative experiences but i felt , these were the times they may have learned so many lessons, too. But, we have to be there so they would be able to go on and realize it is not the end of the world!!! At times like this, advise in a soft tone and listening to their side are so helpful, so they continue to keep us as allies… and share with us their deepest secrets!
September 21, 2013 @ 10:55 pm
Thanks for these tips. There are chances that our little Matt cannot handle his emotions well.
September 23, 2013 @ 6:55 pm
I tried to make myself available for them to talk to and believe me sometimes it was hard not to flip out when they shared.
September 23, 2013 @ 7:00 pm
Stopped by from http://www.voiceboks.com/community/group/543
September 24, 2013 @ 9:43 am
Yes, my kids have experienced the gamut of these common negative emotions! We talk about God’s love and acceptance, and how he made each person unique and special. If they are rejected, the problem is with the person being mean. I also teach them that working hard and being kind does wonders for their self-esteem. Thank you for this helpful post!
September 25, 2013 @ 9:14 am
Good post. I agree that it’s so important to give our kids the tools to deal with both positive and negative emotions.
September 26, 2013 @ 10:45 am
We have a three year old boy. At times he becomes very frustrated we try to teach him that this emotion is normal and work with him to calm himself and work through it.
September 29, 2013 @ 9:51 am
It’s tough to know what’s going on in our children’s world, especially when they’re at school. In our home, we teach them to turn to God and know that their worth is not dependent on performance. It’s a constant job to let our kids know that we love them unconditionally too.
Your article is one every parent needs to read. Thanks.
October 14, 2013 @ 1:12 pm
Thank you for this. My son is just now starting to share his emotions and I know there will be so much more to come. Posts like this are extremely helpful.