Parenting Views

My views on education, mutilingual parenting and other parenting topics
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May 12, 2014

Dealing with a Strong Willed Child – (Part 2)

Dominique Parenting and Kids, Parenting Views less stress, Parenting, Series

Side view of Tiger girl

In the 1st part of this 2 part post I shared the triads of my strong -willed child, Tiger girl. She is a child which really challenges me on a daily basis with her wit.

It is really amazing that a 3 year old can be so certain about what she wants and really can wear your patience ultra thin.

Kids this age flare up and tear easily when they don’t get what they want. It is very important to address this errant behavior at this stage or else it will get more difficult as they grow up.

It has taken many trials and errors before I’ve learned how to deal with her and minimize the amount of conflict that she has with me. Here are two things I have learned so far.

1. Speak calmly and model desired behavior.

An Example of modeling the behavior you wish your child to display.

‘ I WANT that drink!!’ she would shout.

” I cannot hear you” I would tell her. ” You are shouting. If you are speaking nicely in a nice tone I maybe able to hear you better”.

” Can you say – Can I have the drink please?” (This is repeated if there is no response from her or she still continues shouting)

She doesn’t not get the drink if she doesn’t ask properly and this is something that I have to be insistent on if she is to learn about proper etiquette.

After a few times Tiger girl would “get the idea” as she realize that shouting gets her nowhere. She’s one smart cookie as these few days it takes less then a minute for her to model the correct behavior so that she is able to get what she wants.

2. It takes skill to play the waiting game.

When Tiger girl throws a tantrum and refuses to walk I will tell her that she has two choices either to walk or she can stay at where she currently is but don’t expect me to wait for her.

I make it clear to her that her current behavior is not acceptable and the reason why she is not getting the item (Ie: Ice- cream / soft toy etc). I do offer her suggestions or alternatives to her initial request as I reason with her.

Sometimes she does start asking for alternative demands when her initial demand is not met. She may or may not get her alternative request depending on how realistic they are.

Most of the time kids this age can be reason with. You just have to be a bit more patient and spend the extra 5 -10 minutes cajoling them. They may not understand your intentions the first time around however after repeatedly testing you under similar circumstance they will start to realize that tantrums don’t work on you and cease doing it.

If we are at home and she starts throwing tantrums I will just walk away and let her scream and shout after explaining to her that her behavior is not acceptable. She can go on for an hour and sometimes cry until she falls asleep.

As long as they are not in any physical danger I feel that it is all right to let them cry it out. You have to stay firm and even harden your heart to their pitiful cries but it is something that has to be done to be able to “tame” them.

Tiger girl’s outburst have reduced a lot since I’ve adopted this method of addressing her tantrums. I’m not affected by her mood swings and the day is not spoiled for the both of us.

In the next post I will be doing a follow up on how Positive Affirmations have been working on Monkey boy and how Doggie boy has been faring in his studies so far.

Post in this series

– Parenting with Less Stress ( An Introduction)

– Teaching Kids about coping with the fear of Failure (Part 1)

– Teaching Kids about coping with the fear of Failure (Part 2)

– Encouraging a Struggling Learner (Part 1)

– Encouraging a Struggling Learner (Part 2)

-Dealing with a Strong Willed Child (Part 1)

– Dealing with a Strong Willed Child( Part 2)

– An Update on Monkey Boy

May 4, 2014

Survival Tips for a Stay At Home Mom

Dominique Parenting and Kids, Parenting Views Survival Tips

Wilted or in Bloom which flower represents you?

A blooming flower or a wilted one. Which one are you?

Are you enjoying and relishing the moments that you have with your children at home or feeling frazzled and stressed up over the little things?

I believe that it is in the mind on how you feel about staying at home with the kids. It is up to you to create the type of live you want to lead. It is possible to get through the day without having your feathers being ruffled by the kids.

Staying at home to be fully present in my kids life is one of the best decision which I have made. It wasn’t a painful decision but being at home with the kids has far from been a bed of roses for me.

It has been a learning experience for me and after nearly 10 years of trial and error I finally found out what works best for my family and me.

Here are some tips that I have to share with other moms which would make staying at home easier.

Don’t expect your house to be meticulously clean and everything in it’s place.
With kids around messes are expected and tolerable. There are bound to be spills and other “accidents” happening around the house. Tackle one square at a time while cleaning up and before you know it the house will be back in order. Clean up spills and messes as soon as they happen so there will not be stains.
Don’t be afraid to get the kids to help out.

Once they can walk steadily around they are able to help you with the housework so you get rope them in to help. Many little hands do make the work easier and time pass faster. I got my kids to help keep items, vacuuming the house and sort out the laundry when they were toddlers. Now that they are older and in elementary school they help in the cooking, washing the dishes and ironing too.
Steal minutes and seconds for yourself to recharge.
The kids and the housework don’t have to be attended to immediately all the time. It is okay to take time out for a short breather during the day for some downtime so that you will be able to focus on the tasks that you have to carry out.
It is okay not to be perfect or things not to turn out as you expect.
You are not competing with anyone in your journey as a mother. It is a constant learning journey which started from when your first kid was born. The environment and the developmental stage of your kid(s) changes so you need to adapt to these changes as and when they happen.
Baking soda and Distilled Vinegar are your best friends.
These two substances come in really handy at home and are used to clean up everything. You just need to rub the baking soda on the surface you are cleaning before adding in the distilled vinegar. After both substance react with each other you just need to scrub over the area and it will be as clean as before.

With these five tips listed above I hope that your daily routines at home will be a little easier and less stressful and that you be able to have more magical moments with the kids.

This post is part of a blog train hosted by Gingerbreadmum where 31 stay-at-home mums share their survival tips. We hope that you’ll find our tips useful and remember that you’re not alone!

Next up on the blog train is Ondine is the mother of JED (Jordan, Evan and Dylan- fondly known as Muffin on her blog). She blogs about them here chronicling, celebrating and reflecting. She wears her heart on her blog and writes only about what matter to her and JED.

” After reflecting on those early stay home days with the twins, Ondine decided that an apology letter to her husband was in order and shares that somewhat personal letter on her blog. Have a look tomorrow to see what it was that drove her to need to issue such a public apology.”