Writer’s Workshop: Just Do It
It’s always a tough decision to choose between returning to work after the birth of your child or to stay home. In today’s world it is really risky to rely on just one person’s salary. There isn’t any iron rice bowl job like in the day of our parents or grandparents. Inflation is rising faster then salaries and it’s certainly more stable to be a dual income family then a single income family.
Having a comfortable amount of cash and savings, being financial independent and being “in demand” are really attractive. However it is certainly not enticing enough for me to return to work after baby gal was born. I did return to work, twice , after the birth of Monkey Boy and Doggie Boy when they were old enough to enter childcare. However since Tiger girl was born, I’m seriously considering converting to a WAHM once my NPL is up.
It was really stressful being a FTWM having to juggle both the job, kids and housework. Everyday I had to rush from work to the childcare and make sure that the kids were picked up on time. It’s even worst when hubby is out of town or the kids fall sick and I need to take time off work to attend to my kids. Even though my workplace is supposedly family oriented there is still discrimination against mothers who put their family and their needs above their job. Workload increases yearly and we are faulted for trying to give our attention to our growing children.
I’ve seen and experienced how “broken” a family gets when both parents are unable to spend time with their kids. The kids get shuttled from one activity to another after school as parents are afraid that they are not being properly supervised at home with the maid or grandparents. There is no real interaction between parent and child and it has let to lots of parent/child conflicts as the parent is not around from young to give the care and guidance that is needed. In the worst case the kids become delinquents and a bane to society. That is something which seriously hope my kids will not grow up to be.
Even though I’m able to stay home for the first two years of each child’s life but it is certainly not enough if I want to maintain my relationship with each of my 3 kids and guide them through each stage of their lives.
I believe that childhood is the best/only time when one can leave footprints which will shape the rest of their lives. To be absent during your child’s growing years because of work commitments is something which I won’t compromise on. I want my kids to have a head start in life and properly equipped to handle all the challenges and obstacles that they may face later on in life. The only way they would be able to do so would be if they were given the opportunity to pick up the necessary skills and learn how to use the relevant equipments.
Other caregivers like nannies, maids or grandparents may not be able to cater fully to my child’s needs. There is also safety and other underlying worries that I would have. I know that my child’s learning ability will not be optimized and he/she will not be able reach his maximum potential if I leave the grooming in the hands of others instead of taking action myself. I want to be fully present in my kids life and that’s why the decision has been made. I’m staying home till they are old enough to go off to high school.
What are your feelings as a parent about going to work/staying home?
How did you make your decision?
January 26, 2012 @ 10:58 am
The decision that was right for us was for me to stay home until JDaniel starts kindergarten. It is a totally different choice then my sisters made but, I am so glad I did.
January 26, 2012 @ 12:04 pm
Our eldest daughter cried for days when she had to go back to work and take her baby to a sitter. Fortunately she had someone loving and capable. Our son and his wife have a schedule worked out, so the twins are not at the sitter’s very long. I was a stay-at-home mom until my children were in first grade. Then I had a local sitter for a couple of hours until I could get home from work.
January 26, 2012 @ 2:37 pm
I think that staying home with the children is a brave but important choice. Obviously every person’s situation is different and it is THEIRs to choose. I worked full time because I was a single mom and had no choice. If I had it to do over again, I would have stayed home..but fortunately it all worked out OK.
January 26, 2012 @ 8:56 pm
@Anita,
great that it worked out okay for you and your kids. I’m glad that you managed to pull through all those trying years.
January 26, 2012 @ 10:17 pm
Initally, I felt like I would have to go back to work after the birth of our daughter almost 24 years ago. Once she arrived, then my heart’s desire changed dramatically. I didn’t want to leave her in the care of someone else. Luckily, my DH supported my decision and in fact, he had hoped I would want to be a SAHM, too. The Lord opened the door for us to step through. It was scary giving up my income, but the sense I was doing the right thing paid off. I’ve enjoyed being home this whole time and once our youngest leaves the coup, then I plan to remain just where I am.
January 26, 2012 @ 10:21 pm
I love being a work at home mom – basically Mom by mid day into evening and worker by morning til noon then worker when kids sleep. Although the only downfall to me working from home is that I am surrounding by work always – like I walk passed my office & think I should be working when I am being “mom”. I miss working outside of the home but do not miss having someone else care for my child. Daycare is too expensive for three kids and it makes more sense I work from home now. All of my decisions re: stay at home mom, work at home mom or working outside of home mom were based on my relationship status. When I was raising my daughter I had to work outside of home – as I was single. With my boys I have had some choices and am in a different position so I can work from home if need be.
January 26, 2012 @ 11:39 pm
My son is only 5.5 months but I love the fact that as a family we decided for me to stay at home. Financially we could afford it but it is alwasy nice to have that cushion that two incomes would have afforded us. In talking to a lot of people the sentiment was always the same. When I am older I am never going to look back and say “I wish I would have worked more” but if I did go back to work I know I would look back and say “I wish I would have seen my kids more”. I can take two years off and still have a position when I return, but after two years and it is time for another child, will I want to go back then?
January 27, 2012 @ 1:38 am
It’s always a difficult decision.
Thoughtful post!
January 27, 2012 @ 1:42 am
I think each family has to do what they can to get by. Hard facts are that sometimes you just can’t do it with one person’s salary, heck… sometimes 2 people’s just isn’t enough. Each family has to take in to consideration what they can handle and how they feel not being able to get out for their work rather than staying home for theirs. How it will affect the family dynamic whether you do or don’t, so on and so on. It can be successful either way, you just gotta figure out what route you have to take and make it work for you:-)
January 27, 2012 @ 2:28 am
I totally agree with you. I’m a SAHM and want to find ways to become a WAHM. I tried going back to work twice, once after Middle daughter started pre-k and once when youngest daughter was almost two. It just didn’t work for me or my family. We have to make sacrifices because I’m home but it’s so worth it. Good luck to you and yours!!!! I also awarded you with The Versatile Blogger award!!! 🙂 Great post.
January 27, 2012 @ 2:03 pm
@Susi,
thanks for your comments and award.. will hop over to your blog to check it out.
January 27, 2012 @ 3:24 am
I am grateful that I was able to stay home with my children, We didn’t have a lot of money, but I had a lot of joy and peace of mind.
For me, being there full-time was important enough to make the sacrifices. (But there definitely were sacrifices!)
=)
January 27, 2012 @ 2:02 pm
@Sue,
I’m sure the sacrifices were will worth it in able to be there with your kids. Peace of mind and joy is certainly very important for a family.
January 27, 2012 @ 5:13 am
I have always worked full time but even with kids who are 12 and 15 I fantasize about being “at home” – I don’t think you can ever get those first years back and although they are fine (and were with grandparents the first two years) I have never believed that “quality” time is what it’s cracked up to be – there has to be a bunch of “quantity time” where you are just together for the moments of quality amazingness to pop up once in a w hile.
But I would NEVER, NEVER criticize another mom/parent’s choice (just my own ha ha). Everyone I know is truly doing the best they can!
January 27, 2012 @ 10:48 am
I work fulltime and am a mom to two kids. The working mother is one of the least respected types of people in Japan. Not having help as my family is far away is very hard.
But it is very important to me to work. Not just because finances dictate, which they do, but it is also important to my self-worth and I am really good at what I do.
It really bothers me that there are huge tax subsidies in the country I live in based on the type of family one has; ie thousands of dollars given to families with houswives. You’d think that because I am contributing that I would be treated decently, but that is not the case. Other parents at my child’s school treat us badly, my work is not very understanding, and there are things on tv talking about how working moms are bad. Both mothers and fathers working and in the house was the norm up to WW2 so this is so surprising!
My children are very lucky to have the opportunity for socializing with other kids at great care centres. It costs us a lot of money but it is so much better for them! My son was miserable when I was on maternity leave and he had to stay home with me and his sister away from his friends. I cannot offer the same kind of stimulation that other kids can. It is really important to me that my kids have lots of playtime and being in fulltime care gets them that. They can be kids!
My time with my kids is limited but I am a better parent for that. Our time together is special and nothing better than crawling into bed together with a bunch of books. Or playing catch in the backyard.
I’m very lucky to have the best of both worlds.
January 27, 2012 @ 12:43 pm
@Medea,
It’s great that you are able to get the best of both worlds. Here in Singapore it’s the opposite. There are greater tax rebates for the working women and non-working women are more penalized with 50% reduction in subsidies etc. I too believe that it is important for my kids to socialize with others so they have been going to school since they were 2 yrs old. Tiger girl too will be starting playschool when she turns two.
January 27, 2012 @ 12:58 pm
It’s so awful that anyone is penalized for their choice!
January 27, 2012 @ 2:01 pm
@Medea,
yes it’s terrible..every mother’s choice should be respected.. I’m enjoying the best of both now being on No-Pay Leave from my job and soaking up benefits for both working moms and non working moms.
January 27, 2012 @ 3:06 pm
1&2) my decision to go back to work was for the good of all of us. I believe my daughter who is four really thrives in school. She loves the interaction with other children, she is very curious and exploratory. She is comfortable in any environment she is thrown into. I love that about her.
I was able to spend two years at home with her, helped cultivate her to be independent and participative. I believe I can work and still tend to her needs. I want her to be all she can, whatever she wants to try. I believe if a job gives me grief, I have no second thought about walking away from it, I have done it for my other kids.
I found a job now- as you might already know, that is not only accommodating in terms of hours, but also in terms of our family style. It hasn’t gotten in the way of my family duties, so I am very lucky. Of course it took forever to find this job.
With three kids though, there is no way I could even blog, you are doing a fantastic job!
January 27, 2012 @ 3:44 pm
@Amanda,
It’s great that you got your ideal job. I’m still searching around for one as my post as a teacher would certainly not allow me to have time for my kids and the extended hours are a killer on family life. I’m hoping to get one part-time once the all get into school or do more freelance stuff which allows me to plan my hours around the 3 kids schedule.
January 28, 2012 @ 12:12 am
I have never regretted my decision to stay home with my family. I’m sure my kids are better for it. We gave up lots of material things for this decision, but I cannot place any of them above my four precious daughters. Through this, the girls have felt deeply loved and valued. I believe they have a strong sense of the importance of family. I love that hey are home schooled and have become very much, their own persons, without the influences of others or the culture. I wish you all the best with your decision.
January 28, 2012 @ 12:23 am
I’m very glad I get to stay home with my children too.
I really do want to find myself as a person though and be independent when they go off to school. If I don’t, I’ll never feel sufficient or like I’m good enough.
I guess it’s how I grew up with nothing and never having the love or support as a child or adult.
You make a great choice! You are a wonderful mother. I hope you know it.
January 29, 2012 @ 3:35 pm
This is a tough decision with no easy answers. I just have one child, and I stayed home until she was in first grade. I did some consulting work that allowed me to work part-time and still be with her at the end of her school day. Now, I’ve been hired full-time. She spends an hour after school in an enrichment program while I work for 5 hours, get her, do another hour of work at home while she does her homework. It’s been really tough on me, but I really enjoy being back in the workplace and making money. Missing out on 6 years of work was a huge sacrifice. My husband is relieved that I’m helping out. If things go south with his job, he knows that I can step up my hours and give us some financial security.
Every decision brings sacrifices. Every mother has to decide what is best for her family and for her!
February 3, 2012 @ 9:47 pm
‘Leave footprints that will shape the rest of their lives.’
What beautiful and powerful words you’ve shared here. This is such a difficult decision and it makes me sad when the choice is an impossible one in some families.
I didn’t work when my children were small and I do remember struggling for money, but I never remember the things I didn’t get to buy…but I can remember a million things that I shared with my family.
Thanks for a lovely, thoughtful post for the letter “J”.
A+