Guest Post: My Thoughts about being a SAHM
Being a stay-at-home mum (SAHM) these days is no longer as ‘easy’ as it used to be. In the past, as long as your children are dressed and fed (never mind if it’s not a balanced diet), you are a good mother. Throw in a spick and span house, you are possibly the best wife and mom in the world.
Now, being a stay-home mom encompasses much more than that. Besides making sure that all physical needs are met and everyone in the family has a decently tidy place to live in, you have to ensure that you stimulate the kids’ intellectual growth and hone their creative spirits.
Having been a sahm for more than four years, I have learnt to take people’s misconceptions of SAHM-hood in stride. Most people I have spoken to think that sahms are the free-est people in the world.
Sure, we have time for Korean show marathons and we play mahjong in the lazy afternoons while food for the family appears miraculously at mealtimes, the house picks itself up with a wiggle of the nose and the kids are the brightest sparks and most well-behaved lot because they were born that way. Perhaps this is true in the alternate universe.
Just recently, I had the misfortune of reading a very sad misconception of sahms. The person who is a full-time working mom (with tons of help) wrote that it is so difficult to balance work and family, “no wonder more and more people are taking the easy way out to stay at home.”
It is undoubtedly true that to strike a balance between work and family is difficult. That is the main problem we face with the increasing need to have dual-income families. I have never doubted that working moms face a different set of issues and that it’s tough being one too. But to speak of home-makers in that manner is rude and ignorant.
Anyone who has come close to being a stay-home mom/dad would find some of these parenting hazards familiar:
1) a sahm hardly gets a moment of peace when the children are up and about. There is no such thing as a quiet toilet break by the way. Privacy – what’s that?
2) Mealtimes may be interrupted at any point and possibly punctuated with soiled diapers which require your immediate attention. ‘Eating halfway’ is not an excuse not to clean that cute bum.
3) Dolling yourself up is futile because you will most probably find a sticker or two stuck behind your blouse or your calf (and you’ll only realise this when you get funny looks from people). Don’t start on lip gloss because you know it’d end up smeared over your face (plus you need to kiss that cutie pie, don’t you?) And you can dump those chic loopy earrings unless you are ready to have them tugged off by the most innocent little hands.
4) Me-time spent on yourself is hard to come by. My me-time is usually spent devising ways for the kids to learn through play, planning and preparing for ‘lessons’ and making sure that my older kid has opportunities to dabble with different types of art and craft and i teach her piano too. Lucky for me, lesson prep coincides with my interest.
5) Your repertoire of songs now consists of nursery rhymes. You get to sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star all day long till you’ll even find yourself humming the tune subconsciously. You might even pick up some Mandarin nursery rhymes you didn’t even know as a child! *gasp*
6) You get stuck in a routine, which could become very monotonous. A friend of mine often bemoans how she is exhausted, stuck in sahm boredom and suffers from brain-death (side track: I’m glad blogging keeps me sane!) Of course, you could have some surprises in your life – I’m sure strawberry milk under the heavy bookshelf definitely counts as one!
Oh and the list goes on.
All i want to say is, it ain’t easy being a stay-home mom, having to put aside all that once mattered to me but despite that, I chose to be one because I want to spend these precious growing years with my kids and I’m glad I have the opportunity to do so.
Certainly, SAHMs deserve a lot more respect. I believe it’s a matter of what works best for our families that determines our choices, and just in case you haven’t realised by the end of this post, being a SAHM is definitely not ‘the easy way out.’
And here’s what makes everything so worthwhile:
Angie blogs at Simply Mommie and is mom to two wonderful children who love to test her patience on a daily basis. She loves cooking and doing home learning activities with her children and is always wishing that she has more time on her hands.
September 18, 2012 @ 6:07 am
The pictures are great and the message is loud and clear.
I had TONS more free time when I worked full-time, I’m not even kidding. Now every spare minute is spent writing for money to pay my bills, taking care of things around the house, and going to and fro for family sports. That being said, I am not complaining. I gave up a very decent salary, excellent benefits, and even my state retirement (since we moved out of state) to become a stay-at-home mom… but I also get to stay with my little one when he’s sick, be a part of every milestone he experiences, and be a huge part of his life, day or night. The latter beats out the former any day. And though there seems to be somewhat of a stigma attached to being a stay-at-home mom (for some people), I don’t care. I know what I sacrifice, I know the hard work I do, and I know the benefits I get from choosing to do both and I wouldn’t change a thing about it.
Thank you for the positive shout out for sahm’s.
September 18, 2012 @ 7:45 am
People who think being a SAHM is the easiest job in the world are seriously misled. I have seen my own mom waking up early and she’s the last one to sleep also. I think that being a SAHM is even harder as one has to combat the monotony of the tasks, and yes, it’s a 24/7 job.
September 18, 2012 @ 11:33 am
i wanted to be a SAHM…. i know it is hard, i experienced taking care of my baby on my own during his first month, the yaya came a month after pa kasi… and boy do i feel tired most of the time… weeks old pa lang sya nun ha… i cant imagine now that he has too much energy pa… pero i know it will be sooo worth it…. i would give up work in an instant if i can really spend time with my baby…. i envy the yaya for the little things she tells me my boy does during the day…. but i cant quit work… 🙁
September 18, 2012 @ 1:06 pm
Before, I was thinking of being SAHM when I get pregnant, but time really change so do my decision. I think I will still be more than willing to be a working mom.
September 18, 2012 @ 1:28 pm
Being a SAHM is no joke. You’re on your toes 24/7 with myriad responsibilities here and there. The reward though is being able to spend more time with your growing kids and guide them through. Just ignore this misconception. Many will react I’m sure but you know it’s not the truth 🙂
September 18, 2012 @ 5:12 pm
@Farida,
Yes being a SAHM is really much more difficult that it seems. I’ve been a FTWM & SAHM before and now am a WAHM so it can be said that I have the best out of both worlds.
September 18, 2012 @ 4:59 pm
I completely respect SAHMs. In an ideal world I would love to be one because, of course, nobody provides better care to children than their own mum but I can’t and I know you’re thinking I was going on to say because of financial burdens etc etc but the real truth is I am not capable of being a SAHM! All those things that you listed will drive me crazy and so I escape to the corporate world 9 hours (or more) a day, all the while feeling guilty about it. So its amazing what you’re doing with the kids and at home and here’s hoping you will get to watch some korean drama sometime, without having to switch to Thomas the Train 5 seconds into turning on the TV.
September 19, 2012 @ 11:26 am
I used to think being SAHM is easy. My mom had done it so why couldn’t I? I had worked in childcare as a vocation job taking care of 10 children (3yo) was effortless. Well, the kids were obedient. That makes it so easy. Of course, there were 1 or 2 children who may test your patience but still it was relatively easy to handle.
So when my little one came along, I thought I would able to handle it effortlessly as well. Oh… how wrong I was!
Besides what Angie had mentioned, I am a total Panda now. (there’s no need to visit the Singapore Zoo :P) If my girl wakes up earlier than me, she would wake me up. If my hubby is around and I wish to take some nap, I wouldn’t be allowed too. As long as she’s awake, no one else can sleep! I do not have regular meal times as compared to in the past. I have to work round the house to get things done before I can actually settle down for a meal. A normal half an hour marketing alone can drag up to 2 hours if she’s there. Besides keeping an eye on her , I find myself facing the challenging task of getting out of the place, she would be walking around (I had to follow) and refusing to go or playing with the queue stands.
September 19, 2012 @ 12:40 pm
@Lilium,
It will get better with experience. It was the same with all my kids needing me 24/7. They still do but I am also able to sneak in some moments for me and for couple time too.
October 11, 2012 @ 1:31 pm
I enjoy reading this post .. thank you for speaking up for SAHMs 🙂