The Parent Child Dance

The Parent- Child Dance

The Parent- Child Dance

The Parent-Child Dance: Strategies and Techniques for Staying One Step Ahead by Ronald A. Kotkin and Aubrey H. Fine is a  10 Chapter book which helps parents understand how to relate to their children better.

In her book she  mentions about the spectrum of different parenting styles and how  kids  react to the different styles.  What comes easily for us may seem to be different for the child who is trying it for the first time.

Each chapter revolves around problems that parents and children face and suggestions on how they can solve them.  Various scenario are raised and solutions given on how to address them.

For example it can be frustrating to get kids to listen and carry out your instruction. Their attention span is very limited and sometimes they do not intentionally want to forget about what you have instructed them.  A good way is to produce a pictorial chart for the child so that they can refer to what they have to do.  Sometimes it is not that the child is not compliant but the fact that there was poor communication between the child and parents.

Children will always challenge us one way or another. We need to have a plan so that we can take a appropriate  path of action if the need arises in different situations.

My thoughts

I enjoyed reading the book as it had  clear explanations of  why children behave in a certain manner and the rational behind their actions.

Many a times  the parenting books do not give a practical alternative to how to handle certain obstacles that most parents face and just quote theory after theory.    The summary points at the end of each chapter also makes it easier to focus on and certainly  deserve a thumbs up by me.

Ronald and Aubery’s book give tips that are certainly doable and make it easy for the parent to follow through

As parents we need to display a united front and have a clear stance regarding how we would like to bring up our child/children.

It is important to know what works best for your child/children and how you can tweak your parenting style as they grow up.  As they move from toddler to teenage we need to guide them every step of the way.

It was interesting to see so many different aspects of how a parent can be fully involved in a child’s life to guide and mentor them. From teaching them the correct way to behave, social skills and also building up their resilience as a young adult.

The authors have some interesting suggestions for dealing with kids misbehaviors which I will be implementing with my boys in the coming weeks. Hopefully they will be able to change for the better.

Do pick up a copy of the book if you are interested to learn more parenting tips from The Parent-Child Dance: Strategies and Techniques for Staying One Step Ahead by Ronald A. Kotkin and Aubrey H. Fine

Disclaimer: I received a copy of this book for review purposes. All opinions are 100% mine.  This post has affiliate links.

Coming out of Cage: A Tiger Mom’s Journey

Coming out of Cage

Coming out of Cage

Coming Out Of Cage: Journey of a Tiger Mom by E. Way is a book of self reflection where the author recalls how it was for her growing up in a traditional Chinese family where high emphasis is placed on academic results and achievements.

As the daughter of immigrant parents  her parents placed a high emphasis on her achieving excellent academic results as they saw it is the BEST way for her to succeed in life and to make them proud.

They neglected the fact that they had to give her moral and emotional support and not just financial support so that she could have a holistic education during her childhood years.

E. Way herself adopted her parents method of bringing up her kids and used to pride herself on doing everything for her kids by providing for them the best education possible.

She unknowingly subscribed to the notion that Good grades and high test scores were everything. This brought upon her and her family lots of stress with unrealistic expectations.

Things started breaking down and there were torn relationships between herself and her kids. Her marriage failed and she tried to use her successes in work to “redeem herself” but found herself suffering from cancer instead. Her daughter too had a serious illness which was life changing. Everything seem to be failing.

You are not who you think you are,
You are not who others think you are,
You are who you think others might think
you are.

The focus that she had on outward appearance and fitting in with so called society norms had caused her a lot of agony. She was pursuing all the wrong things in life and feeling empty side

E. Way had an “Ah Ha” moment when she realized that her focus had been wrong all the time. You can say her eyes were open when she finally surrendered  all to GOD.

My thoughts

I found this book an extremely refreshing read and could relate to what she has written as I’ve personally experience majority of the things which she had mention growing up in a Chinese household.

Sometimes what you think that is best for your child can be really damaging in the long run when one is not focus on fully nurturing the child as listed in the section where E.Way admitted the mistakes that she made.

Mistake #5: Mindlessly Saying Foolish and Hurtful Things

I personally have suffered the brunt of this  mistake which E. Way has listed during my childhood. Growing up in a Chinese family many elders “think” that it would spur the younger ones to do better if they talk down to you or pass hurtful remarks about you and your demeanor. Unfortunately it does the opposite as it breaks down one’s spirit and drive.

Whatever you do is never good enough and they(the elders)  love comparing everything and anything about you to make themselves feel superior/smart and you feel small

It’s all about  FACE value  and the “so- called” worth and respect that they perceive comes along with it.

“Fix your thoughts on what is true, and
honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely,
and admirable. Think about things that are
excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting
into practice all you learned and received from
me—everything you heard from me and saw
me doing. Then the God of peace will be with
you.” Philippians 4: 8-9 (NLT)

It is not about putting a child down but on the contrary giving him the tools and teaching him how to be a better person by assisting him in reaching his potential.

Each child grows and mature at a different rate and as parents we need to realize that even though we want the best for them  certainly things that we do for them – solving their problems etc is harmful for them in actuality.

Reading the book made reflect on my parenting style and reminded me not to make the same mistakes that E.Way did .

Do pick up a copy of her book Coming Out Of Cage: Journey of a Tiger Mom and I’m sure you would certainly gain some insight.

Disclaimer: I received a copy of this book for review purposes. All opinions are 100% my own.