About Dominique


Singaporean Educator, Coach and Hands on Mom of Three. Connect with me on Google+

Posts by Dominique:

Conversation over lunch

My elder boy, Ryan, has always been very vocal since he could talk at 9mths. Within a span of 3yrs his vocabulary has expanded exponentially.

Flashback to 2yrs ago where each utterance was either one or two words it really was blissful compared to NOW- he can readily give his opinions/recommendations and reasonings while engaging you in a nerve wreaking heated debate.

Here’s an excerpt of our “conversation” over lunch.

” Ryan sit down and have your lunch”. I chided him for climbing up on the chair and trying to disturb Roy who I was busy feeding.

” No~I’m not hungry I do not need to eat, ” He replied.

Trying out my latest resolution not to get easily angered with him I told him that it was fine that he doesn’t want to eat but everyone else at the table is going to have their lunch. He can either join in and have his lunch or sit and wait till everyone is done.

” No~ I want to go to West Coast Park” he said ” Let’s go now!!” He insisted.

I reiterated my stand with him and told him we are not going anywhere till we are done with lunch, irregardless of whether he is going to have his.

Ryan turns over and speaks to daddy.

” Daddy , after lunch we will go to West Coast Park okay?” he says

” Just you and me go to West Coast Park and play.” He pauses to think for a while.

” Roy can come along too BUT mummy is not invited. She has to stay at home.”

Hubby quizzes him on why he doesn’t want me to come along to the park.

[ You can faint in anger when you read his reply]

” Mummy wasn’t being nice to me. She tried to make me eat my lunch. Naughty Mummy”,Ryan said.

“Later when she decides to be a good girl maybe I will let her come along with us, ” he adds.

He has rearranged what I have said to him earlier on in the week and twisted the context to his favour.

On an earlier occasion I had told Ryan that he wasn’t been nice as he had roughly pushed Roy and snatched his toy away while Roy was playing with the train set on the floor.

I did not allow him to play with the train set but told him to get another toy to play with instead as his brother was currently playing with the train set.

I also mentioned that when he decides that he could behave nicer/ play together with his brother and share the toys he could come back and play with us.

Today it shows that he fully understood what I was said to him and is able to reuse what he “learnt” to his advantage.

Maybe he will grow up to be a famous politician?

For the record – Ryan has always had problem during mealtimes as he doesn’t fancy eating and rather be off playing. Each mealtime takes about 1-2hr just feeding him even though he is able to self-feed by himself.

Spare the Rod?

Using the rod as a way of disciplining a child has been a common practice in many Asian households. It advocates a disciplinarian style of child rearing that is frown on by most parents nowadays.

I absolutely see no benefit in using the rod even though the older generation SWEARS by it. I have tried using this method on Ryan when he misbehaved but the same ” mistake” was still repeated despite using the cane as a punishment.

There even is a saying ” Spare the Rod and Spoil the Child”. I beg to differ. I rather concentrate on ” Spare the Rod and Educate the Child” instead.

Using the rod only instills a sense of temporary fear in the child as he cringes at the sight of it and stops his unsatisfactory/unwanted act the instance the rod comes into view.

It is not a long term solution as there are many cases of kids being immune to it and it the parent has lost it’s initial purpose of being a deterrent to inappropriate behaviour/conduct.

Children learn from every action you make. I have seen Ryan smacking his brother while scolding him for being naughty and taking his toys away without asking. This is definitely not the way I want for him to behave towards his younger brother.

The repercussions of this method of punishment is that the signal that you are giving to the child is that ” I am bigger/older than you and with this physical/violent act you must conform to what I want you to do”

This is a real NO-NO as it is saying that being physical with others will get you what you need.
There are other methods of discipline which can be used to educate a child but I will leave it for subsequent posts. 🙂