I have been listening to a series of Webinars on the Great Parenting Show. The speakers as these weekly webinars have been dishing out useful advice on how to deal with common discipline problems faced by most parents.
Behavioural problems seem to be the most common issue faced by parents. I too have my own fair share of outbursts and behavioural spats by the boys. It can be a real challenge addressing the errant behaviour in the child without being emotionally stirred up in the process. Sometimes in our haste to ” solve the problem” we momentarily forget that we should be giving the child the chance to be responsible for his or her own actions.
As the parent we often feel that we should take responsibility for our child’s action. When the child is young it is our responsibility to show them and explain to them what is right and wrong. Many a times we want to shield them from going through the painful experiences which we ourselves went through during out childhood that we unintentionally prevent them from having their own learning experiences. They too need the chance to learn for themselves what should be or should not be done in the given circumstance.
The experts on the talks which I have been listening too all repeat the following pointers.
- Remain calm when dealing with your child. Screaming and shouting at the child only escalates the matter and does not eradicate the problem.
- Let the child take ownership for his/her decisions. Do not play the martyr and take on all the problems on yourself.
- Give each other time to cool off if needed and address the errant behaviour/problem not the child as an individual.
- Talk rationally and listen to what your child has to tell you. Do not let any pre-concieved notions that you have cloud your judgement on your child’s ability to deal with the matter at hand.
- Let your child know about the potential consequences for his/her actions and let them decide on the “penalties” they would face if the errant behaviour continues.
It does seems quite difficult to follow these pointers when as the parent you want your child to follow your instructions and do things your way. However with much practice and experience it will get easier to follow these pointers and build up a relationship with your child which is based on positive discipline.
I personally will try to follow these tips to deal with the boys while disciplining them the next time.