Guest Post: Tween Advice from a Mom who’s Living it
Have you ever wondered what life with a tween was like? Or worse yet, two tweens! That is currently the life I am living. I have tween girls ages 9 and 12. Sometimes I look at them and think what happened to that sweet little girl who thought I was the smartest person on this planet?
What happened to the little girl who would ask me why the moon was so big, or where the sun goes every day? Where is the little girl who would run to me screaming, “Mommy!” when I came to pick her up from school? Every once in a while I get glimpses of those girls, but a lot of the time I am dealing with mood swings up the wazoo.
I think I have learned a thing or two from my experience so far. I am not an expert by any means and I have no idea yet what tween boys are like. I imagine that’s a whole new bottle of hormones to deal with which I’m still a few years away from. Here are the things I’ve learned while dealing with my pre-teen girls:
1. When they get really ornery sometimes it is best to just let them be for a few. Everyone takes a time out so to speak. Neutral corners and then come back at it another way and at another time.
2. Make sure to make yourself available. Even though my girls are trying to assert some independence they still want my undivided attention at times. So however you can make this happen it is a great way to reconnect and find out what is going on in their lives.
3. They will still repeat what they hear just like they did as toddlers and preschoolers. So don’t stop telling them what your expectations are, but explain why. For example, recently my oldest said in the heat of one of our arguments, you make me feel like a retard. I was shocked! Suddenly the thing we were arguing about didn’t matter because of that one word. I had to stop everything, dial it down, and get her to tell me what that word means and where she heard it. She didn’t know and she heard it from some kids at school. So I showed her a video of a girl whose brother is Autistic and has Down Syndrome. A girl not much older than my daughter who was pleading with people to not use the word retard.
I assumed that because I don’t say it that my children wouldn’t either. Of course forgetting there are children out there whose parents do say words like that. My hope is that by showing that video to my daughter that of course she’ll learn what the word means and why we don’t want to use it, but also she might tell those children she hears say it not to say it and why.
4. Sometimes there’s nothing more behind those mood swings than just those hormones going all haywire inside of them.
5. They still seek your approval and want to please you. Even when it feels like they could care less what you think they still do and want you to tell them when they are doing good.
6. They become paranoid. Whatever you are talking about, even if it’s the scent of the laundry detergent, they think it’s about them and it’s something bad. Or they think whatever noise they hear is someone coming to get them. Now of course a little caution is good, but it’s a bit strange when a 12 year old who once upon a time laughed hysterically at scary movies as a toddler is now skittish of every little thing. It must come with the mixture of feelings of wanting to be independent and still wanting to be a little kid.
7. Getting ready to leave the house with pre-teen girls takes forever. I can get myself dressed, a preschooler dressed, a baby dressed, and all ready to go in the time it takes my girls to put clothes on. Then we’re standing around waiting for hair to get brushed and teeth brushed. It’s a huge task. And none of my girls have even started wearing makeup yet.
8. They are perfectly capable of doing chores. They will probably grumble and groan about it every step of the way and they sure do know how to procrastinate. Not at all like when they were toddlers and insisted on helping you with the laundry and every other task you tried to get done quickly, but ended up taking twice as long because they had to “help”. This is one area that I do not let up on. They have to do chores because I don’t want them to be that “grown up” who doesn’t know how to sweep a floor because they never had to do it before. And yes, I knew a girl who had never swept a floor before.
9. Be prepared to be made to feel like the dumbest person on the face of the earth by your pre-teen. Because at some point in the day you are bound to say something that is totally lame. Or do something that is just so stupid. The stupidest thing I have done recently, according to my 12 year old, was I made her hug her sister because they would not stop bickering with each other. In case you were wondering, it did work. They do still bicker, but it has been a little less frequently.
10. Every once in a while you get to see a glimpse of the adult they are going to become and that is amazing. Seeing all the hard work of parenting through the years starting to sink in really makes it all worth it.
So that has been my experience so far with my pre-teen girls.
Do you have anything to add to this list?
Monica is a stay at home mom to 4 kids ranging in age from 12 all the way down to a baby. You can catch her blogging about her views on parenting at Monica’s Mom Musings.
