January 23, 2012

Guest Post- Oh, @#%! Where’d my first-grader learn that word?

Censored © by Guerretto

@#%! What do you do when big words come out of such little mouths?

See, my first-grader, Grace, recently declared, “I know five bad words.” She said it at dinner. Without looking up. Totally conversational; completely challenging.

Her older sister, Marie, looked at me immediately. She wanted to know just how her dad would counter that. She raised her eyebrows, pursed her lips, and waited

This the moment of truth, dads. Moms can cite these instances and fuss at our wrong move. Kids might tell their counselors about these days. Teachers will make notes of them at your next parent-teacher conference, you can bet your can on that.

So, how would you answer, dad?

1. “Yeah? I know at least twice as many.”

2. “But do any rhyme with stuck or bit? Wonder if Father Will knows them too … “‘

3. “Have you been riding in rush-hour traffic with grandma again?”

My answer: “Tell me!”

When the dust settled on the bleep-button, most fell into the ‘mild’ category. One was decently good. You wouldn’t get kicked off the city bus for using any of them. So I just nodded, showed a bit of a rise, but not much. You can’t go wacky until the f-bomb drops, I reasoned. I just listened.

Just like that, it was over.

True, kids cursing is kinda funny. But that’s not why I did it.

I reasoned that raising a curtain of guilt over this breeze of curse words would be counterproductive. I let Grace have her say. Communicate.

“Not bad,” I conceded. “There are better ones on the fourth- and fifth-grade playground, though.”

Marie nodded in agreement. I know she learned some on the soccer pitch, too.

If your kid’s comfortable letting you in on the blue language they just learned, or which boys are cute and which are ugly in home room, or why it’s a great idea to invest $5 in ice cream and cones during a trip to the market, it’s a good day for dad. That means maybe, one day, years down the road, she won’t think twice discussing her best friend’s cigarette experiment, or neighbor’s lead-foot driving, or an offer of marijuana at a church-sponsored sock hop.

Just like the five-bad-words conversation, I’ll stop. Listen. React.

Today, Grace added two to the curse-word hopper: “Wretched,” which she said Marie taught her. And the other rhymes with “fit.”

Where’d she learn that one?

My mom’s own grandma.

We have a few more to go, I realize. But the fact that she could tell me about it? Seems like a pretty $#%#@ good thing to me.

Eli Pacheco is the father of three girls, a writer, and a soccer coach. He writes a weekly column called “Coach Daddy” for a Charlotte-based online parenting magazine called Modern Parent.
Using a delectable mixture of humor, thoughtfulness, and self-deprecation, he entertains his readers with stories about his failure to be an adequate Mexican-American, his inadvertent boxer-shorts exposure, and the perils of playing Candy Land with motivated little girls.

January 10, 2012

Guest Post- Tackling Cyberbullying by Jennifer Lachman

Dominique Guest Post Cyber bullying

As parents our instinct to protect our children is a force that can only be compared to that of a large-scale natural disaster. We would do anything to keep them safe from the many dangers of the world, but the threats are always changing and evolving. In order to continue protecting today’s youth we must evolve as well.

Cyberbullying, a threat so new even my spell check doesn’t recognize it, is becoming increasingly popular for younger children. According to Parents Magazine children as young as 11 are at risk. Other sites say that the concern starts even earlier, at age 9.

So how is a parent supposed to protect their child? There are two steps that are crucial to stopping these new-age bullies in their tracks.

Encourage Open Communication

Far too many cases of cyber bullying go unreported because the victim is too afraid to tell their parents. They fear there parents will overreact and embarrass them or that the bully will elevate their harassment as revenge.

It is also important to understand that in most cases children switch roles between a victim and a cyberbully several times during an incident. They do this in an attempt to defend themselves without involving anyone else. By encouraging open communication with your children and letting them know the potential consequences of reciprocation you are best positioned to protect your child.

Know Your Rights

Once you know about the problem you must react quickly and put an end to it right away. Start small, but if the bully continues to escalate, your response must escalate as well.

Tell the bully in no uncertain terms not to contact your child again.The bully does not have to know that your child told you about the abuse. You can make it appear as if you found the evidence on your own if it makes your child feel more comfortable. Be sure to keep printed and electronic records from this point forward.
Contact the site in which the attacks took place.Most of the popular social networking sites have polices against the harassment of other users. They will warn the offender and if they behavior continues, suspend the account.
Contact the Bully’s ISP.The easiest way to find this is by contacting your own ISP. As long as you have been keeping detailed records they should be able to track this for you. Like social media sites, most ISP’s have policy’s against harassment. They will suspend the account of anyone who violates there terms and conditions.
Contact Law Enforcement ImmediatelyIf your child’s personal contact information has been published anywhere or physical threats have been made. At this point it is more than emotional damage that is at risk.

If you have done everything in your power and your child is still suffering the effects of cyberbullying contact WiredSaftey.org. They provide 1 on 1 support from volunteers trained to help you with this problem.

By keeping the lines of communication open between your child and yourself and being aware of your rights, you can keep your children safe from the most current threats to their emotional and physical well being.

This post was written by Jennifer Lachman of FreeChristmasProject.com. I share my progress on my mission to provide my family with a completely free Christmas using blog giveaways as well other topics relevant to women, mothers and bloggers.