It’s not my fault! – The Blame Game
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Very often I hear this excuse from Ryan, ” It not me, Roy did it” Roy would rebutt, ” No.. not me. Kor Kor!” while pointing to the mess on the floor. Does this sound familiar to you? How would you handle such a situation?
It could be a sticky situation a innocent child is being punished for the wrong doing instead of the errant child. The innocent party may build up a grudge against the other party as he is being blamed for no reason. The errant party, on the other hand, may be silently gloating inside for being able to successfully push the blame over to someone else and won’t be repentant.
What would you do?
Punish one child or both?
In the above scenario I would firstly seperate the both boys and privately talk to both of them to hear both of their stories. Next, piece together their stories and analyse to see which one is more credible before meting out the due punishment to the errant party.
Next I would explain to him how important it is to take responsibility for his action and not play the “victim”
Victim- Someone who blames, justifies, makes
excuses for his actions.
When your child plays the “victim” and tried to minimise the negative effect of the problem by conveniently putting the blame of others. He doesn’t have any intention on correcting the errant behaviour as he is trying to believe that it is not his fault that it happened.
Kids Making Excuses
” He made me do it, that’s why the vase is broken”
“I don’t know, it just happened”
” It wasn’t me”
By uttering such words he hopes that the problem will magically disappear and that the would be free from impending punishment. Wishful thinking kid!! The problem doesn’t go away just because you wished it did.
Parents Making Excuses for their kids
Sometimes parents too come up with excuses for their kids to justify their behaviour.
“He picked up vulgar language or bad habits from his friends”
” He didn’t perform well because the teachers didn’t teach him well”
” He is still only a child!!”
” I admit my child is mischevious, but they were picking on him. They were not treating him FAIRLY!! The other kids should be punished too for instigating my child.”
Through making excuses for our child you are telling him that he IS the victim. They will not feel a need to change, or take personal responsibility in any area of their life. After all, they think they are a victim.
This kind of behaviour should never be allowed of encourage especially from parents. It would give the child a false sense of ” security” and make them believe that their parents will always be around to talk them out of any sticky situtation they may land themselves in. It is ineffective and you will be putting yourself into a parenting rut. You have to empower your child to think for himself.
I would tell parents who are constantly making excuses for their child
Stop seeing your child as a victim and blaming others for his individual predicament.
It’s not about “Fault”–It’s about Responsibility
Teaching your child to be responsible for his action is a must if you want him to survive in this world. It is one of the key principles which determines whether he will progress and move forward in live as he grows up. It is also a factor which makes the difference whether we are successful in life and are living meaningful lives.