SOC: Feeling Left Out
Tiger girl is 14 months old now. She is getting really demanding and wants to participate in the activities and games that her brothers do. They are constantly complaining about their sister wreaking their toy set up and trying to muscle her way in front of the computer when they are on it. I guess that she doesn’t want to be left out and wants to participate in everything that her brothers are doing.
I feel that it must be human nature to want to have company and not be left out. I too feel like that sometimes. It’s like when you see pictures of your friends having a fun night out and you have a tinge of envy as you are not able to do so. There is no one to mind the 3 kids and it’s impossible to get a sitter to take care of them at night. I sometimes wish that I could be able to join them and feel left out as no one “dated” me out for a girls night out.
Or the time when you see photos of friends/family having fun in some exotic place and you feel like you should be able to enjoy visiting such a place too – Only if we had the funds for it.
It is a nice feeling – the feeling of being left out even though it may not be deliberate.
How do you cope with such feelings and help your child deal with it?
November 27, 2011 @ 5:50 pm
I am in a similar situation as you. For my case, I chose to be left out. I rejected friend’s invite, gathering with ex-colleagues, lunch/dinner with colleagues just to zoom home to be with my boys/save time to surf the net. Contradictory feelings, struggling for choice. But the desparation of wanting to see them wins. I wonder if I will be lonely without friends when I am old and the boys are grown up………. I lost touch with my friends
November 27, 2011 @ 8:29 pm
I guess as we age it is hard to keep as close contact with friends as we want as family takes priority over everything else. I guess the best would be to cherish the friendships that we value and do the best we can to have a balance between family and social life.
November 27, 2011 @ 6:43 pm
I totally feel the same way sometimes! But I guess that comes with the territory of being a mom! 🙂
November 27, 2011 @ 10:25 pm
Hi! Popping in from SOC Sunday. I deal with this all the time. Having two girls that are two years apart the little one is always wanting to participate in the things her sister does. It’s not fair to the older one to always have to include her little sister, so I don’t always make her. But sometimes, I do make her include her sister. I think it’s a good lesson for both of them. Since your little one is so young and won’t understand, maybe sometimes, just remove her from the situation and sometimes make her brothers include her.
Hope this helps! As for yourself……make time for YOU! No matter how you have to do it.
November 27, 2011 @ 11:53 pm
I know the feeling! For the time being I can’t go out & can only do things with friends if my 3 kids are included. I try to remind myself that it is only temporary but it still sucks!
November 28, 2011 @ 12:13 am
Popping in from SOC..
I totally understand the feeling and I think the internet makes it so much worse. We see everything so quick and in large amounts. You can’t help but feel left out.
November 28, 2011 @ 12:14 am
I feel left out, too, by my own choosing. My youngest son, whom I now life with, tells me I’m becoming a recluse. My choice right now. Then, my oldest son told me the same thing in an email from 3000 miles away. Right now, I choose this, and I’m happy with this decision. Sure, I had invites for the holidays too. Didn’t want them. As far as handling it for your kids, it’s been way too long for me to comment on that aspect of it. But, I do know it will all work itself out for them and you. Thanks for sharing your socSunday.
November 28, 2011 @ 12:29 am
I know this feeling EXACTLY. Here’s what I do when I’m stuck at home.
1. I take my son out on a dinner date. Now it’s just me and him and he’s almost 5 so I probably have that one a little easier.
2. I ask some of my mom friends to go out to lunch together. Or we go to a park. We let the kids run around while we get just a few adult sentences in.
3. I invite them to my house. If you’re fortunate enough to get your kids to bed at a reasonable time, have a few girlfriends over (single or married or moms) and have a girls night in. Grab some wine and munchies and just talk or even watch a movie.
If you can’t get your kids to bed early, tell them to bring their kids and have an evening playdate. Don’t let staying in keep you from having a good time!
November 28, 2011 @ 3:53 am
I would read a book to my little one called “Just Not Invited” it’s part of The Little Critter series. It’s not a good feeling to be left out but I think when you experience that yourself that you are more aware to not let other people feel left out in the future.
November 28, 2011 @ 3:58 am
I know this feeling. It was worse before I became a Mom, but even now it can be so hard. I try to focus instead on the things that I am doing. I think through all of the things we did as a family this week. Or I make plans with friends that I can do – like lunch or coffee or meeting up at a place where I can bring my daughter. Good luck to you and your daughter with these tough feelings.
November 28, 2011 @ 5:52 am
I completely understand feeling left out. I don’t have kids to take care of but a very sick husband. It hurts, regardless of age or circumstance. Thank you for sharing your feelings. Visiting from SOC.
November 28, 2011 @ 6:04 am
A resounding AMEN, Sister! It’s hard, being left out, especially when my single friends or friends without kids are off doing fun things that I KNOW are impossible for us to do now, financially and emotionally. Is it crazy that I wish to be away from the kids and yet can’t stand to be away when I am?! I cope by connecting with other moms, via the internet, playdates, quick texts to say “Hi, how is your day going?” I help my kids deal with the same feelings by doing something special with just them, separately, or giving my daughter (5) a day out with Grandma–just “the girls.” Great SOC Sunday post. xoxo
November 28, 2011 @ 8:41 am
Honestly, I take myself out sometimes. Out to me is going to splurge on Starbucks or going to B&N and just reading/browsing. I guess it’s nature to want to be included in everything. It sucks being left out.
November 28, 2011 @ 11:50 am
The way I see is that I had my fill of going out and living the high life when I was single/pre-kids and when I became a mom, it’s like my priorities changed and I don’t feel like I have to be where my friends are and do what they do. If I could join them occasionally, that’s great, but I am okay, too. That said, many of our friends are in the same boat we are and now that many more of them have kids, we organize things we could do together with the kids, too. 🙂
November 28, 2011 @ 9:29 pm
Thanks for your thoughts on this issue. I too organize meet up where the kids can be included..however it would be nice to have just adult company at times.
November 28, 2011 @ 7:02 pm
Thanks for the comment on my blog for SOC Sunday. I’m glad you stopped by as now I get to visit you.
I don’t know that I have any advice to offer in this regard because I really don’t feel that left out now that I have a kid. My situation is such that I NEVER get to go out now; no friends / family near by, no baby sitters, so I stay home. And just accept that this is the way it is. It also might be that I got my fair share of going out time in the years before my daughter was born.
Anyway…no advice, really. I hope it gets better for you!
November 29, 2011 @ 7:30 am
I feel this way a lot, especially around the holidays when my extended family are getting together back home. For menit’s important to make new traditions with my kids, and invite friends aroun to do things with us so I can recreate that special feeling I had as a child. Doesnt always work though, I still ache for home.