From Dominique- My Parenting Style
 |
| Doggie Boy when he was a baby |
This week’s writer’s workshop prompt #2 about how do you parent differently than your mother did really got me thinking. It made me think about my parenting style and whether it has been that effective so far.
Growing up is a rather autocratic household it has always been the case that kids are suppose to be seen and not heard. I find that this is rather outdated and very “Tiger Mom” in approach . There is a lot of lacking in understanding on both sides ( parent and child) and that in the end there isn’t a really close bond between both.
My mum was very generous towards us and she really took very good care of us despite the fact that she was working full time as a teacher. However there is one factor which I will certainly not put my kids through- Constant comparison.
She was constantly comparing us to our cousins or her friend’s kids and frankly speaking I HATED it. No doubt I think I tried my best but I’m no A Plus student with a scholarship or have loads of trophies to line the display cabinet in the living room.
Don’t get me wrong that I didn’t benefit from her strict upbringing but at that time it felt that no matter what I did it was “never good enough” and in the end I just couldn’t be bothered as I came around thinking that it was no point trying to “meet unrealistic expectations”. I was better off enjoying what I did achieve and be proud of it.
I guess it boils down to the people in that generation which have the habit of belittling others to make themselves feel ” superior” to others.
Since becoming a mom in 2004 I’ve decided to be a HANDS ON mom and be fully involved in their upbringing. I wanted to be there to witness their milestones and not to miss out on their growing up years. ( I had to put my career on hold and it’s a decision which I have never regretted.)
I want my kids to know me and understand the meaning/reasons behind being strict with them in some instances and not just blinding following through because they were ordered too. No doubt I can be rather authoritive when it comes to seeing them complete certain academic tasks or household chores but I do give them the liberty of choice where permissible.
It would be ideal if the kids are pro-active in helping out and being nice to each other and I’m working towards achieving that. I don’t want any of my kids to feel that they have been sideline by me as they assume that I have a preference for one kid over another.
Jealously builds sibling rivalry and I don’t want to see the aftereffects of the mistakes that my mum and her sisters have made manifest within my kids. Their quarrels and differences have been carried over from one generation to another and as a results my cousins and I are not as close as I would like to be.
Relationships between siblings and independence are something that I will have to help them cultivate. I feel that it’s important to let my kids know their special position within our family which are irreplacable and that all of them are valued members of this family.
I’m constantly reading up and implementing positive parenting practices on my kids. My hope is for them to grow up healthy and balanced with an with a firm understanding about our religion and moral practices.
It’s not an easy task and I’m constantly learning on the job as all the 3 kids have different personalities and preferences. It’s a delicate balance to keep things at equilibrium at home.
How is your parenting style?
