As our kids grow up and move through the different stages of life there are various changes that they face. In the previous series on the Transition between Primary and Secondary the challenges that tweens in Singapore faced were addressed. Monkey boy completed his Secondary school and now is studying in a tertiary institute while Doggie boy will be sitting for his N-Levels this year. Having experienced personally how my boys have been in secondary school I have decided to pen down how they had adapted to secondary school life.
In this follow up series I will be touching on these various areas. – Re-orientation to the school system. – Neighbourhood vs Elite school – Subject Based Banding and it’s challenges. – Handling study stress and being productive. – Understanding and maintaining relationships.
If you do have any other areas which you do wish me to cover do feel free to leave a comment below.
How did your kids survive the Secondary School years?
Social wellness refers to the relationships we have and how we interact with others. Our relationships can offer support during difficult times. It is important to build healthy, nurturing and supportive relationships as well as fostering a genuine connection with those around you.
As they say the circle of friends you hang around with defines you. They help to shape your thoughts and perception on how you want to lead your life. Therefore it is extremely important to be careful about who you let into your inner circle.
Quality vs Quantity
As I grow older I get more selective about who I want around me. Not everyone may be who they seem on first experience. Sometimes something that seems too good to be true may turn out to be a rotten apple disguised as a golden one. Relationships have to be two ways be it with benefits, communication and understanding for it to be long lasting. It cannot be something one sided where one party continually takes what the other offers and suck him dry over time.
A Mantra I follow
I’ve met many people who are FAKE . They pretend to be nice and concern about you but in actuality they are just sizing you up so that they can exploit your trust, abilities and achievement for their own personal benefits. When they are being called out for their inconsistencies / lies or exaggerations they become defensive and even abusive attacking your character and values. The mask that they have been parading around drops and their true behavior and intentions can be seen. They refuse to take responsibility for their own action and blame everyone else except themselves. These individuals are Highly delusional and I refuse to have them around me and the kids. Period.
Blood relationships are not as important to me as before. I’ve learnt that not all are your family. Some of my previous relationships are now of no significance to me especially when they are from highly toxic individuals with tainted blood. It was a pity that I was born into a toxic extended family. Their constant bickering and comparison had affected me and my perception of what a relationship should be.
It had taken me quite awhile to eliminate all the toxic ones who were outwardly and/or passively aggressive to me and the kids. We deserve a normal life and one which is free from others who were constantly undermining or demeaning us for their own selfish agenda.
Life is difficult enough as a single mom of three and there is no need to add on unwanted and nonsensical drama by these delusional individuals to our lives to make it harder.
Another mantra which I subscribe to.
I frown upon people who easily pass judgment on others so they “appear” to be superior to others. Who are they to judge when GOD doesn’t judge? No doubt you and I have flaws but it is not something to be constantly targeted by others in attempt to bring down your level of self confidence or bully you into submission with their constant criticism .
Emerging from a 20 yr long abusive relationship I’ve grown stronger and wiser. I’m no longer the naive 16 yr old who blindly trusted others, especially elders, to guide me along the path with their ” trust me I know better” attitude. I won’t let other people destroy my self esteem nor integrity. I’m my own women and am accountable to myself and GOD and not these people.
My most important asset is my time therefore I am not going to waste time on fake people who don’t need my attention. I’m no longer settling for mediocre or below standard and other time wasters. I trust actions more then words and when they do not match up I won’t be wasting my time and effort on these time wasters.
Time is extremely precious to me being a single mom with multiple portfolios to juggle. I cannot and do not want to spend it unproductively. I want to surround myself with people who will lift me up and spur me on to be the best version of myself.
Through all the trials and tribulations that I have faced especially during the past two years this can’t be even more true to me. I now surround myself with like minded individuals who are are non judgmental and supportive in my endeavors. I on my part try my best to support my friends and family to the best of my ability without compromising my values, integrity and goals.
I show by my own actions as an example to my kids what are healthy and unhealthy relationships and how to seek out and maintain healthy ones in their lives.