January 14, 2009

Changing Your Parental Mindset

Dominique Parenting Views Child, Encouraging your toddler, Parent

This is Part 2 of Encouraging your Reluctant Preschooler

: Image by K0P via Flickr

The mentality of a preschooler isn’t a easy task to decipher. We do not know what triggers them and makes them change their emotions within a split second. It could be a word or an action that sends your child behaving defiantly. You feel helpless sometimes when they change from a happy smiley child to a screaming hyena within a split second. It can sometimes send you into a frenzy as your grabble with a 4 year old throwing tantrums at the oddest time and place. Sometimes you silently think that they love creating a spectical to put you in a spot.

The most common though that come to the mind of a parent is how you are going to punish him for his misbehaviour and how you wish that he stop the bad behaviour instantly.

As a parent you should not :

Give into guilt by taking upon the mistakes of the children as your own. It is okay if children make mistakes. It is only bad if they do not learn from it. It is not possible for your child not to make mistakes or be infallible as you personally are not.
Striving for Perfectionism. Stop!! Don’t do that you are not bringing up robots. If all your kids problems/battles are being solved by you catering to their every need they will not be able to adapt to the real world and the how to be independent and face their own battles. They will not know/learn the techniques/skills needed for survival. By aiming for perfectionism you are only placing additional unwanted stress on your child and they may resent you for it.
Being Overindulgent. Do not be afraid to deprive your kids. Sometimes they have too much of a good thing to learn how to appreciate it properly. If they have everything they desired they will not know the value of ownership and how to cherish and take care of their own belongings.
Failing to admit that they as parents foul up sometimes. Do admit your mistakes to you child if you commit any. It will only help to strengthen your relationship . Your child will give you plenty of changes to apologize, ask for forgiveness and try to do better.
Problems and errors are inevitable; how we handle them is up to us. We can be critical of ourselves or our children, or we can see our mistakes as opportunities to learn and grow.
Shutting off the child. Irregardless of what tactic you try in an attempt to guide your child, make sure that you also keep the lines of communication open, be as perceptive as you can, and then trust your intuition about what’s best for your son or daughter. You may be driving your child into a corner and into desperation if you do so and they may take drastic actions which you may regret bitterly afterward.
Punishment will change all bad behavior. This is not true. It is only a temporary stop gap measure which does not eliminate the particular unwanted behavior. It may even reinforce other undesirable behaviors in your child. Your yelling or hitting your child as punishment will only result in him acting out the same behavior on others or even you in the future? Do you wish your child to behave so aggressively towards you like you were towards him?
Constantly nag at your child. It will only cause them to turn a deaf ear and make you more frustrated with them. 50 time – ” I told you to put your clothes into the laundry hamper” does not equate to the child doing what you wish him to do. I’m sure you hated when your spouse or parent nagged at you to do things which you didn’t find the need or didn’t want to.
Believe that by explaining to your child why a behavior is wrong he would automatically stop it and not commit the same mistake again. Explanation without modeling the correct behavior is useless. It will be the same as sitting through a boring science lecture which you have no interest in. You will still commit the same mistake as you haven’t learn the theory and done the practice associated with it.
Thinking that all children can fit into the same mold. Each child develops and matures at a different rate. Every one of them have their own strengths and weaknesses. It would be unfair to them to compare their development with their siblings and peers. Instead a better way would be to work on developing their strengths and help them how to overcome their weaknesses.

Are you guilty as a parent of committing any of these mistakes?

Series

Encouraging your reluctant preschooler

January 9, 2009

Encouraging your reluctant preschooler

Dominique Parenting Views encouragement, praticing, Ryan

Dealing with a preschooler is never easy. Facing endless questions and sudden temper tantrums can make you suffer a meltdown. This month I will be emphasing on how I cope with my boys behaviour.

Do you get this often from your preschooler?

” Mummy, but it’s too difficult, I just can’t do it!!!”

” Why can’t you do it for me like you do EVERYTHING for Roy?”

“I’m too [insert within- tired, hungry, sleepy] to do it now.”

Like my 4yr old we too try to look for the easy way out which would be to either ignore it in
bit that the task will be completed magically by itself. [ Ie: Mummy gets so frustrated from repeatedly asking and does the task for him instead.]

Sometimes it is the case of him underestimating his ability or we as adults underestimating their ability. Some of us, parents, may give the excuse that the child is too young and the task is beyond their ability.

For me, my philosophy would be to let him try it out and if it proves too difficult for him to handle, supply him with the tools needed.

Most young kids learn best hands on as they are more tactile and visual learners. They learn through repetition and constant practice. This is the case for both my boys.

A little prodding and lots of encouragement can make your child excel at things which he never though he was capable of.

It can be simple as:

– Segmenting the task given ( taking the task one small bit at a time)

– Giving specific praise to the child ( not just” good boy” but ” You are making great effort in taking the laundry out from the dryer to the couch upstairs. )

– modeling the steps required to complete the task.

Your enthusiasm at working together with your child to get the task done will make him more open to giving it a go and in the same time pick up new skills or knowledge. It will also make a better learning experience for both parent and child.

In the next few posts I will be touching on how I changed my mindset towards handling my kids outburst and get him to cooperate willingly with me.