You and Me – Anger and Frustration

Monkey boy and Doggie boy back in 2009
Monkey boy and Doggie boy back in 2009

When you are in a relationship one experiences both  the good and bad of it.  The Joy, the happiness, the anger and the anguish.

Different emotions which are felt at the various stages of your life as you experience help one grow. Even though certain emotions that you feel may be more intense then the other it is necessary to work through each and every one of them to be able to fully understand why there were there in the first place.

In this installment I will be focusing on these two emotions Anger and Frustration and how it can hamper or strain a relationship if not dealt with properly.

Crying and screaming are inborn mechanisms  which  a child uses to deal with it’s negative feelings. As he  grows older he is able verbalize better and may start using words to express how he feels on top of showing it in his actions.

It takes time to learn how to handle the different emotions and our kids look towards us to teach us them the skills to deal with their own outbursts. They look upon us as mentors on how to deal with the anger and frustration they feel therefore all the more important we need to model the correct behavior.

ANGER

A strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility. It can drive a person insane at times and  behave irrationally.

Frustration

The feeling of being upset or annoyed as a result of being unable to change or achieve something.

The kids  and I experienced watching a parent behaving badly at a car park a few months back.  A father was shouting at the top of his voice  at his crying toddler. He was  using  vulgarities and threats on him while the elder kids and his wife was looking on. It was really appalling behavior and the kids and I were starring at the spectacle that was happening in front of them.

I rushed the kids away from the scene as I didn’t want them to witness more awful language and behavior. While we were walking away I   took the opportunity to explain to them what they saw was a parent who was behaving extremely badly in public and shared with them my thoughts on such an awful display.

I told the kids that even though the child may not be on his best behavior and may have done something wrong it is no excuse for the parent to vent his anger and frustration on him and embarrass himself and the child in the process.

It is NOT OKAY.  Even though it is valid to feel angry because the child is misbehaving it is NOT OKAY to misbehave yourself. Two wrongs doesn’t make a right and the parent was not showing a good example on how to behave properly.

Harsh/vulgar words should never be use  on others as it will only cause the other person to feel resentment toward them and that is why I will not use them especially on the kids even when I am angry and disapprove of their behavior.

Threatening to “throw away the child” and saying words like ” I regret that you were ever  born” really feels like putting a stake through the child’s heart and should never have been said.  There is no way to take back words once it has been blurted out from the mouth.

It doesn’t make the situation any better and only works to increase the tension and anxiety of that both parties feel.  By behaving in such a way ,the parent  shows that he doesn’t love the child enough as he doesn’t take into consideration the child’s feelings. There has been a communication breakdown and nothing is being done to repair it.

The parent has inflicted irreparable damage  to the bond that he has with his toddler and  indirectly showed to the other  older kids that by being menacing you can force others to behave the way you want them to and make them submissive due to fear.

He showed  the wrong notion that is  okay to take out your frustrations on kids when you are an adult.   He didn’t address the root of the problem and the issue that he had with the toddler were left unresolved while he taught bad behavior to the other kids.

This is certainly not the way a parent should be behaving!!  ( Recalling the scene that I witnessed reminded me that I too need to pay attention to my feelings of anger and frustration least I end up a Monster parent like him.)

No doubt handling a child throwing tantrums is challenging it is not an excuse for the parent  to take it all out on a child and belittling him in the process. I know first hand that  it can be frustrating being unable to get the child to stop throwing a tantrum. The child is unable to communicate well how he feels and cries and screams non-stop. Nothing that you do seems to be able to pacify him and the situation only magnifies as the seconds tick away.

It is never easy dealing with a whiny/ screaming toddler but by showing your anger it doesn’t make the situation any better. Instead it is a clear indication of you been defeated in handling it.

The kids have felt the brunt of my anger and frustration before and they do know the reason why I have behaved in such a way and even shouted at them at times. I know that I’m not perfect and sometime fail to curb my own anger at times.

However as I learn from my failed experiences I gain tolerance and also show the kids how to validate their own feelings without causing hurt and harm to others.

How do you address

Anger and Frustration?

Post in this series

1)  You and Me Equals US ( An Introduction)

2) You and Me- Where Do We Begin?

3)You and Me- Love (Part One)

4) You and Me- Love (Part Two)

5) You and Me- Anger and Frustration

Writer’s Workshop: Vying For the Prize

Trees framing a pathway
Trees framing a pathway

It is official  I’m on a race.  Tick-Tock  the count down has started and every second I get near and nearer the dateline. There is no way of backing out and I need to keep the pace.

365 days is the time frame that I have been given to reach the target.  The stakes have been upped and there is now a really attractive prize to look forward to if I manage to reach the goal which was set.

October 7th 10.23pm

That was the date and time the challenge was accepted and declared. It has been inked in cyberspace (Via a Facebook Status)  and there is no turning back. Life style and personal routine changes have been made and I’m counting on GOD as my pillar of strength to help me make it through this challenge.

Actually this goal has been on my list for the longest time.  I had worked at it and failed before however this time I’m really going to make it work.  There is no room for procrastinating and giving excuses.  I have been lax for too long and I certainly wasn’t being fair to myself.

I deserve better and I know that I am fully capable to work towards achieving this goal.

Achieving it would certainly make me feel happy. I  will be able to finally cross it off my ” to achieve ” list.   I can imagine me looking more radiant then before and in much better shape.

I’m looking forward to seeing the Autumn leaves, soaking in the romantic sunsets and tasting Sake. To be travelling with my own personal guide sans kids and getting to eat all my favourite foods.

Enjoying nature in it’s finest and trying and visiting the places that I have always wanted to go to. A fully sponsored trip to Japan which I have the liberty to set my own itinerary.

Now I just have to lose the 10 kg to be able to claim the prize.

What are you vying for?

Jenny Matlock Mama’s Losin’ It

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